The other day I learned in Psychology that the best way to get over something that your brain just won’t drop is to just let the memories play. The brain remembers things with an emotional meaning or tie. We don’t talk anymore… Deep sadness. Depressing sadness. Loneliness.
My brain won’t forget you, because of the deep emotion.
So, if I let myself just play through the memories whenever my brain wants to, I’ll be able to get over you sooner. I’ll just get so used to the hurt that it won’t bother me anymore.
I hope it works, because I’m so tired of being depressed.
You were just a boy… We were never anything more than friends. But I think I might have loved you.
I miss talking to you. I just want to catch up again.
I did really good in the play, the director and the crowd loved me. People keep coming up to me and telling me how great I was. I wish you would have come to a performance. I knew we weren’t talking anymore, but I still hoped with everything I had. I might be getting glasses soon. You said that you really liked that picture of me wearing some. I’m doing really well in school. I had a stressful week awhile ago, with five tests. I got A’s on them all though. I was studying so hard. I think I was trying to distract myself from you. I’ve been working on scholarships lately.
..And I tried to replace you, but it didn’t work. Not even close. I tried to find another boy, apart from my significant other. I was trying to fill the hole you left. I let him kiss me, and touch me. I let him take my clothes off. I really didn’t want him to.. But I just want to stop hurting. I feel so alienated now. I see the path I’m going down.. But it doesn’t even matter. Maybe it’ll fix the pain.
I wish I could tell you that, just so you could make me feel better. You always knew what to say.
My heart hurts so much.
Your Secret Love.