• Now I’m letting you go…..

    by  • November 21, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Resolution • 1 Comment

    Dear Ben,

    I miss you. It is so fucking hard to watch you and Sofia. When i see your eyes when you look at her…I wonder if you love her like you loved me. Who knows. I know one thing though. I was your first love, and you were my first love. That will always be true. I still want you back but i’m learning, hopefully that I should be patient. paitence is hard for me, it always has been and it always will be. Sometimes I look at you and your looking at me. We exchange glances a lot. But then there are those times when i say something and you make a sound of disgust… It’s only been 3 months i think…maybe even two…but somehow my life has changed so much. I was so happy with you. breaking up with you was one of the worst mistakes ever. I made a lot of mistakes with you and i will forever wish that it was with someone else i made those mistakes with, someone i didn’t care so much about. You were an amazing boyfriend and the most interesting guy i’ve ever met. And you of all people should know that being interesting is one of the highest compliments i, or you could give. Someday we might be together again but truthfully i don’t want you back. If we are together again then i want it to be new, a new relationship. New love. I never knew i’d be in love at such a young age, but truthfully i know we were, in the largest way possible for our age. I have so many random amazing memories of us. They come to me sometimes, randomly. Us kissing, your smiles at me, lying the park watching the trees in the sun…so many memories in the sun, happy. being so happy i twirled and fell in the mud, house hunting with your mom and figuring out who lived in the rooms, holding hands during theatre, teasing…oh all the sarcasm and teasing 🙂 the texts, so many texts. i still have them. i won’t get rid of them, even though i’m letting go of you now. I will never regret anything we did. Never regret something you once loved. I read that somewhere….i believe it whole heartedly. God i’m being such a girl right now….ranting on and on about all this shit…Well now. To the point. Tommorow is my 15th birthday. And i’m going to let you go. Today when i left school i visited some of our places. I cried and the rain fell on my face and it felt so bittersweet. But now, no matter how hard it is, i really really have to let you go. This year will be good. I will make it good. And i need to learn how to make it good with out you. I will always care about you ben, and i hope we can have a chance again, but not now. I love you.

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    One Response to Now I’m letting you go…..

    1. ilana
      November 23, 2011 at 10:20 pm




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