Over the past few months i’d say i’ve been going through a hard time simply because I was confused by my own feelings and decided to feed the addiction that was just a mistake, a crush that was made worse by all of the most important people in my life suggesting that I was right to feel that way.
I now realise that the boy the above is about (let’s call him Hurricane), I am in love with – as a friend. I love him to death, he is amazing, but I don’t want him. I value our friendship.
Even last weekend, when I was upset about a boy who I am interested in at the moment (don’t ask me why I was, I was just drunk!), I had my sister saying to me “I’m not being funny but when are you and Hurricane going to realise you’re perfect for one another” How ridiculous is that?! I get so angry about this! I’m telling her how I think i’m growing to like this other guy and shes trying to convince me, whilst drunk, to pursue something else.
Anyway that is not really the point.
I’m gaining interest in someone, and I don’t feel pressured at all to think about what will happen next. Slow is how I want this.
Even a hug makes me have butterflies.
I don’t want to think about anything else, and I refuse to until I need to.
The anxiety of the past few months is fading fast, and i’m feeling ever increasingly more content with myself. Regaining my confidence. And I am happy.