• I just don’t understand

    by  • November 21, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    Dear N,

    I am over you. I really am.

    I know what we had was not going to work, I was full of doubt from the beginning. I spoke to my friends about it, but still, I had real feelings for you. Even that first time we kissed, when I knew I shouldn’t, it was not just the alcohol that made me do it. I felt something. I felt the sparks, and I know you did too.

    That night in June, when you asked me if I felt like it wasn’t right, I lied. I said I didn’t know what you were talking about. I cried and you held me. You said you would always be there for me, no matter what. You wanted to stay in my life because you “meant what you said.”

    It’s been months and we haven’t even so much as had a friendly awkward exchange. I don’t understand. I don’t get it. Why is someone that had meant so much to me no longer in my life? Do you really hate me that much? Do you find me that annoying? I don’t want to get back together. I don’t want to hook up with you. I just want you as a friend. I don’t understand why we can’t even talk.

    I’m pretty sure you have a new girl now, which I’m ok with. It hurts that you broke up with me because you couldn’t handle the relationship, but now you have someone new and I am now the one that’s alone. I know none of this should bother me, but it does. It really does. All I want is your friendship, an occasional “hi, how’s life?” and you can’t even give me that. You truly are the scumbag, liar and womanizer that everyone said you were. I feel truly sorry for you.

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