• I don’t know who to choose.

    by  • November 21, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 1 Comment

    Both of you like me, and I like both of you.

    You give me butterflies. I love the feeling of being in your arms. I love the way you look at me. Even though you hurt me, I can’t bring myself to hate you. I tried so hard to make myself hate you, but nothing worked. Even when you were with her, I held out hope that you would come back to me. And you did. That made me so happy. While I say that I don’t trust you, there’s a part of me that does trust you. I don’t know if I should trust you or not. But I’m leaning towards trusting you. I hope I’m not wrong. I really like you and I can see us together. Part of me really wants to fall for you over again, like I have been starting to. Don’t make me change my mind. I don’t know if I can ever be “just friends” with you. I can feel some tension between us constantly. When we talk, it’s like we’re both dying to cuddle and kiss. To some degree, I really like that. But I can feel that you want more than innocent love, and I’m not sure how I feel about that.

    You are one of my best friends at school. I love when we hang out and talk until the wee hours of the morning. Our rant sessions are great. We share common interests. I feel bad though because you figured out that I kind of like you, and now I’m not so sure. I know you really like me, and I can sense that you want us to be more than friends. You’re a great guy. I know we want the same things in a relationship. I know that we both want innocent love. I’m just really scared of messing up a great friendship. Plus, there’s the other guy. And that part upsets me because I know you were there when the other guy hurt me a few weeks ago. I just don’t know if I could see myself doing boyfriend-girlfriend stuff with you, as stupid as that sounds. Again, this whole thing makes me feel terrible.

    I just wish you both knew what was going on. I wish you both knew how hard this was for me. Because even though I don’t have to decide now since we’re on break from school, I feel pressured to chose soon. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time. I’m afraid to choose the wrong guy. Logically, I should pick the one that’s like my best friend, I know that. But there’s something about the other guy (and he’s a really close friend, too) that makes me want to go for him. I’m just not sure anymore.

    All I know is that I want one of you by my side. I want one of you to hold me and tell me that everything will be okay. And I know that both of you want someone to hold and call your own. I want nothing more than to be that person for one of you. I just wish I didn’t have to decide. You both are great.

    I’m so sorry. I know that someone is going to end up hurt. I hate feeling like I’m going to cause someone pain. I don’t like hurting anyone. Then again, who does?

    Also, I’m afraid. I feel like I could be falling in love with both of you. I’m afraid to fall in love again, something that I have shared with both of you. At the same time, I’m excited to fall in love again. But I know that the likelihood of a relationship with either of you lasting forever is very slim. I mean, we’re only 19, almost 20. Then again, I feel like I should be falling in love and meeting the one that I’m going to marry. Not that I am thinking marriage with either of you, because it’s definitely too soon to say anything like that, but it’s on my mind. Because I feel like I should be falling in love. But I definitely feel too young to get married.

    I don’t know why I just went in to marriage, but oh well. Bottom line, I wish I didn’t have to choose between you two. This sucks.

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    One Response to I don’t know who to choose.

    1. courtney
      November 21, 2011 at 7:49 pm

      I am in a very similar situation. Try not to dwell on hurting someone because it will have to happen eventually. Good luck with your decision, I know it will be tough. I’m trying to decide who I’m going to choose in my situation. I hope everything works out!



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