Dear Izak C.
I’m done writing anonymous letters, hoping you’ll stumble upon this and read it knowing it’s for you. I’ve written so many of these, hoping someday you will see them. So I’m going to be blunt and write this to you up front.
I miss you. I miss you so much. This weekend, should have been fun. I put a smile on my face around my family, but when I was finally alone, I listened to our song and cried. I fell asleep with your bracelet and our picture in my hand. Sleep is the only time I can actually get close to you, see your face. I hate waking up, because then you aren’t there anymore.
Mom says you hurt me too much. I tried to say different. I wish I could tell you how much I’ve been fighting for us. Mom says I still can’t talk to you. Mom says I’m seeking for the love and attention my Dad still neglects to give me. But I’m not. I tried to tell her so. I truly love you with all of my heart and she doesn’t see that.
I tried to tell Mom that Daddy has nothing to do with us. She doesn’t believe me. Am I seeking attention? No, well yes. Attention from you. Not her, not Daddy. But you Izak.
It killed me when I heard you went on a date. With her, the girl you told me you didn’t like. But I think you like her now. When I heard, I crumbled. I cried. My heart ached. It’s still aching. I’m trying to get up, get dressed all nice, do my hair pretty and get out. But I can’t. I still wish it was you I’d be primping myself for. I wish it was you that would watch movies with me even if you didn’t want to.
I wish it was you that would go on walks with me, standing behind me, holding me close to you, our footsteps in perfect sync. I wish it was us holding hands walking around the store. Smiling, enjoying each others company.
I wish Mom would let me tell you all of this. I wish Mom would let me talk to you.
Baby, I’m still fighting. I just hope, I just damn well wish you haven’t given up on me. I still dream of our future. I still look at MY future and I only see YOU there with ME. Us together. Like we always wanted it to be.
Remember when you said “till death do us part” you told me that. I remember. I remember when you said you were in love with me. I remember when you told me you actually got jealous when I was with my guy friend.
I remember every single moment of us together. And I can’t get them out of my mind. Tomorrow, Monday, I will dress nice, do my hair, paste a smile on my face and pretend I’m happy like I’ve done since the day we were torn apart.
You’re the best thing I never knew I needed.
This weekend is thanksgiving break. A 5 day weekend that you and I both would be ecstatic about spending it with each other.
I love you Izak. And I miss you every day, more and more so every second of every day.
I just wish that you miss me just a smidgen as much, as I miss you.
Forever and always….right?