I have nobody tonight… Nobody… Just like most nights. There is no comfort lying at the bottom of the ocean. No warm embrace dwells in the midst of an arctic storm. There is just me, cold and alone, forced to bear the entire weight of the ocean on my head.
I can’t stop the flow of tears. Men aren’t supposed to cry, but I can’t help it. Where did that stereotype come from anyways? Who cares… I feel so weak, so vulnerable… But nobody’s around to take advantage of that vulnerability, so I’m safe… for the moment.. Nobody really cares about this normal, average guy. What’s so special about him? He’s introverted. Few friends; only one of which he speaks to with any regularity. None of which are ever around. No girlfriend. Who wants to date just an average guy anyways? Emotionally distant family he’s not close enough to…
I can’t handle this. Not tonight… It’s too much.. I want to help, because I know a friend who’s also having a bad time, but they don’t want empathy because they say it doesn’t help. But I don’t have the words they need. I so dearly wish I did. Then I might be useful.. actually good for something. I never have the words… Why can’t I just be good at something? Why can’t I be important to somebody? Why is it so hard to find somebody who genuinely Loves me? Instead I just receive passing glances or fleeting comments, nothing deeper than a kiddie pool.
Is Love too much to ask for? Love is extraordinary, while I am just ordinary, so perhaps it is for me… I dunno.. How about time, or comfort, or embrace? How about water for the dehydrated? Food for the starving? Change for the poor? Twigs for the embers? Those things are pretty ordinary, but I have to get them all myself and I don’t even know where to look. I am so very weary… So tired, but nowhere to rest my head.
Please somebody kill this thing inside of me. It is dark and cold and empty. Kill the emptiness, please? Can that even be done? Or fill it.. yes fill it, please? Make the emptiness go away cause it’s eating me from the inside out. It is growing.. Consuming everything…
I just want somebody, somebody to fill this void. Is that too much to ask for?
Beggars can’t be choosers.