• Nobody…

    by  • November 19, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Loneliness, Yearning • 2 Comments

    I have nobody tonight… Nobody… Just like most nights. There is no comfort lying at the bottom of the ocean. No warm embrace dwells in the midst of an arctic storm. There is just me, cold and alone, forced to bear the entire weight of the ocean on my head.

    I can’t stop the flow of tears. Men aren’t supposed to cry, but I can’t help it. Where did that stereotype come from anyways? Who cares… I feel so weak, so vulnerable… But nobody’s around to take advantage of that vulnerability, so I’m safe… for the moment.. Nobody really cares about this normal, average guy. What’s so special about him? He’s introverted. Few friends; only one of which he speaks to with any regularity. None of which are ever around. No girlfriend. Who wants to date just an average guy anyways? Emotionally distant family he’s not close enough to…

    I can’t handle this. Not tonight… It’s too much.. I want to help, because I know a friend who’s also having a bad time, but they don’t want empathy because they say it doesn’t help. But I don’t have the words they need. I so dearly wish I did. Then I might be useful.. actually good for something. I never have the words… Why can’t I just be good at something? Why can’t I be important to somebody? Why is it so hard to find somebody who genuinely Loves me? Instead I just receive passing glances or fleeting comments, nothing deeper than a kiddie pool.

    Is Love too much to ask for? Love is extraordinary, while I am just ordinary, so perhaps it is for me… I dunno.. How about time, or comfort, or embrace? How about water for the dehydrated? Food for the starving? Change for the poor? Twigs for the embers? Those things are pretty ordinary, but I have to get them all myself and I don’t even know where to look. I am so very weary… So tired, but nowhere to rest my head.

    Please somebody kill this thing inside of me. It is dark and cold and empty. Kill the emptiness, please? Can that even be done? Or fill it.. yes fill it, please? Make the emptiness go away cause it’s eating me from the inside out. It is growing.. Consuming everything…

    I just want somebody, somebody to fill this void. Is that too much to ask for?

    Beggars can’t be choosers.

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    2 Responses to Nobody…

    1. Lex
      November 19, 2011 at 11:16 pm

      Wow, to a certain extent, I feel the same way. Yes I do have an amazing family and one or two truly great friends, but I still feel so alone. I don’t have anyone that I want to spend time with. I don’t have anyone I can tell everything to. I don’t have anyone to keep me warm in the winters, and snuggle me till I fall asleep. I don’t have anyone that puts me as their number one. God, do I want that. I want it more than anything in this world. I want something to come home to. Anyways, you aren’t alone, don’t think you are. And on a bright note, I am a firm believer that there’s someone out there for everyone. Just wait as patiently as you can, and I will too


    2. Marissa
      November 19, 2011 at 11:42 pm

      I know how you feel. The all consuming monotony of the ‘same-old, same-old’ and the black numbness of feeling as if you have no one. The trick is to work on becoming the type of person you’re looking for. As you better yourself, you will find that person. You won’t be lonely anymore.



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