Completely and utterly in love with you. Not only do you live in a different country, but I feel so strongly for you and I’ve begun to think it’s not returned… Except I know it is, I know you love me as well, but you’re not here to remind me. We’ve agreed not to hold each other away from people who are actually around us, but I don’t want anyone else, I just want you. I did something dumb tonight, I made out with a boy I’ve known for the entire sixteen years of my existence on this earth, just to get back at you for what you told me yesterday. Yesterday you told me you liiked someone else, and for some reason it jus hit home for me more than every this impossible relationship we have. I cried the moment you told me even though I knew it was bound to happen, and I thought I’d be able to handle it, well, I can’t.
I could handle it when you were with H, but simply because the first thing you ever told me about her was that she didn’t like me. I knew that wouldn’t last, you love me to much to be with someone who can’t accept me. But this girl, she seems like she’s really important to you… I didn’t ask names, I don’t want to know who and what she is because the moment you tell me I’ll look her up on facebook and begin to obsess. I can still picture us getting married. I can still feel your hand on my cheek and your breath on my neck. I can feel a part of you beating inside me. It sounds childish and silly, I know, I’m aware of that, but its painful as well. And its real.
C, sometimes I love you more than I can handle, and tonight it boiled over to the point where I probably made a stupid mistake, to the point that I can’t come back from. And I just want you here to hold me and tell me that everything it going to be ok, because right now I don’t know whats going to happen. And I just want you. I really, really, really, just. want. you. now. They say at 11:11 your supposed to make a wish, I’ve wished for you for months, and I’m praying it comes true. I don’t really know the point of this letter, but I needed to write it. I need to tell you these things somehow before I explode on you one day with all this emotion that you won’t be able to do anything with.
Please just come into my life, please move here, or atleast come visit. I feel like I’m slowly losing myself without you, and that’s terrifying.