• A little bit of hope on a long page

    by  • November 19, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Letting Go • 0 Comments

    thoughts that spill into words, flowing like water onto the page.
    feelings so clouded in doubt and judgment, nothing can describe it.
    anger, pain, sadness, anxiety — a calm then washes over.
    suddenly, for just one moment, everything becomes clear.
    the solution to the many problems dawns on you like the rays of a first sunlight.
    you take a deep breath, you feel stronger and ready to look adversity in the eye and stand against it, fight against it.
    but just as suddenly as it comes, the world shakes.
    you lose your balance and are kicked off your feet by something quick and unexpected.
    a song, a picture, a memory.
    all it takes is one lyric; one pixel; one smooth summer breeze and the smell of a warm day to remind you that it happened.
    one thing to bring back the pain and darkness.
    one moment for everything of yourself you put together to shatter.
    so you’ve learned by now.
    you brace yourself for the reconstruction of a tortured soul.
    you wait, and you stay on your toes, and you take caution to not get too happy or too comfortable or too used to the idea of living your life without something because as soon as that happens, the dark and unexpected pain comes back up.
    you feel it in your soul, it engulfs your body and it feels like it’s happening all over again.
    the feelings come flooding back, along with the stinging tears down your cheeks…the unbearable frustration and the heavy feeling on your chest that you can’t seem to shake off…

    and,

    you could let all that hold you back.
    you could let the setbacks, the downs, the recurring heartache, the memories, settings and the attachments keep you in the past.
    you could let it keep you chained down in the pain.
    you can sit there and stare at the pictures and read the notes.
    you can cry and cry and feel listless and hopeless and so depressed the pain physically numbs you.
    you could reach the point of no return and live your life with the burden.
    you can become cold, shut out the world and never open your heart again because of the one person that broke you.

    so…

    go on, run back to them and see if they can heal you; go back and see if they WANT to.
    surprised that they don’t?

    here’s what you should do:

    fight.
    don’t let it kill you.
    you look adversity and pain in the eye and tell it that it can’t hold you back.
    prove to it that you will again be strong and powerful and independent.
    because allowing those memories back, allowing that pain to take you to your knees again, is not learning.
    it is not experience, and it is not moving on.

    now…

    give yourself space, give yourself time.
    change is beautiful, but only after it has finally taken place.
    it’s going to hurt, and it’s going to be hard to let go.
    but you can no longer do this with them.
    they can’t be here every step of the way to see you through this.
    things will never be the same and the sooner you can begin to accept that, the sooner you will become whole again.
    the sooner you will stop hurting and the sooner your true happiness will be found.

    so delete the pictures, stop the music, make new memories with new people in new places.
    smile.
    laugh.
    run, play, B R E A T H E.

    because after all, aren’t we too young and beautiful to let heartbreak become a slow burn?

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