You know you love someone when they’re all you think about, before you sleep, when you wake. You also know when they don’t love you back, when they never think of you, ignore you, and don’t listen. I’d do anything to never have loved you in the first place or for you to love me back. Despite me and my wants, I’ll forever wish happiness and safe times for you. Because you are the one that I love. I hope you feel the love I have for you sometime, someday. But I’ll forever wish you won’t feel the pain that I feel.
I will always love you. Even when I’ve moved on. Because I devoted an entire year of my life to chasing after you and listening to you and sacrificing my own happiness so you can continue on in life without knowing how your best friend fell head over heels for you while you just carried on, completely oblivious and ignorant. But I will never tell you this. I will never tell you how many nights I have spent weeping over how much you ignore my obvious hints and my confusion. How I would spend hours over-analyzing a single sentence you threw into a conversation. How several times I had to stop myself from randomly kissing your beautiful lips, or blurting out mid-conversation, “CAN’T YOU TELL I’M COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH YOU?”.
If you knew any of this, you would be devastated. You would take it upon yourself and guilt yourself to death because you knew nothing and noticed nothing. You would feel horrible for the things you said to me in a casual setting, and you would realize how I must have been feeling during all of this. The news of my crush on you would destroy you.
Your happiness is more important than my want for you. I’ll continue on trying to get past your electrifying eyes, your intoxicating voice, and your breathtaking smile alone. Perhaps one day someone will feel for me as deeply as I have felt for you.
But, today is just another lonely day.