• The List

    by  • November 18, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Love - Pure and Simple • 0 Comments

    I was looking through some old diaries not too long ago, and stumbled across a journal that I wrote in college. Flipping through the pages I ran across a section about what I looked for in a man. Tears started to come as I realized the mistakes that I’ve made, the years that I can’t go back and change it all. How could I have settled for less than this? How could I feel that I don’t deserve any better than the decision that I myself made.

    Why am I writing about this now? I don’t know. I guess for closure really. Here is what I wanted in a man:

    A man who loved God and himself (not in an arrogant way)
    A man who is honest
    A man who is responsible
    A man who is loving and caring
    A man who puts people above himself
    A man who takes the time to listen
    A man who has goals in life
    A man who loves me for me

    A man who loves children (not in a creepy way)
    A man who wants to have a family
    A man who loves to travel
    A man who loves to write
    A man who loves to compose music, who sings, plays guitar, who plays the drums, who plays well haha you get the drift

    A man who likes drinking coffee
    A man who enjoys my friends
    A man who is good with finances
    A man who is able to look at the whole picture and not just some of it

    A man who loves the outdoors
    A man who loves working with his hands
    A man who enjoys spending time with old people (i love the elderly)
    A man who is outgoing and loves talking and getting to know others
    A man who loves culture and learning about our world
    A man with knowledge about politics and able to hold his own on political disputes
    A man who looks for the good in others

    A man who is faithful
    A man who will recognize his faults and mine and address the issue in a fair, mature, and Godly way

    A man who has a taste for different ethnic foods
    A man who is willing to go the extra mile
    A man who knows about cars (because I don’t want to get ripped off at the car dealer or mechanic)

    A man who won’t mind growing old together
    A man who is intelligent
    A man who knows how to sing and sing to me sometimes
    A man who would fight for his woman no matter what and never give up on her, love, or becoming the man he needs to be for his family

    After sharing this ridiculous list, I can make closure with it and say goodbye. I guess I’m just being unrealistic… no man is like all of this anyway. It’s only in fairy tales. So why do I feel like I still settled for less? It doesn’t matter overall. The relationship is (like I’ve written so many other times) going down the drain. It doesn’t do any good to look at the past and what could have been or the choices I could have made. I made a mistake. A big one and now I have to pay the consequences for it.

    I need to look to the future and what God wants me to do now. I just don’t understand and guess never will how a relationship that started out so perfect go so perfectly wrong. I don’t ever want to think about this list again.

    ANEWDAY

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