• It’s been awhile

    by  • November 18, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 0 Comments

    Has a year really gone by already? It feels like it was so long ago. But at the same time, it feels like it was only yesterday. Honestly, that moment has become a treasure in my heart. A treasure I’ve buried deep within myself. When I find myself missing you, I take the treasure out so I can get a sneak of it. But as quickly as I open my heart, I close it again. Because looking it at it too long hurts. It hurts remembering you. It hurts reminding myself of you. But, that time was so magical. It was like a wonderland, and we were the only ones to explore it. I followed my heart fearlessly chasing you. But then like a dream, I woke up. Did we wake up too early? Or was I the only one dreaming? Truthfully, losing you shattered me and I couldn’t rebuild myself after it. I couldn’t live with myself knowing it was me who shattered it. And yet, I continue to try for something better. Was I only kidding myself? You just ran farther from me. Do you want to know why I liked you so much? It’s worthless for me to say it now, but I’ll say it anyways. I liked you so much because you were strong. I saw it in you. You could rise over that pain, and still smile and I admired that. I remember during this time of the year, all I could do was think about you. All I wanted to do was talk with you about nothing. I remember I blushed at the thought of you. Walking with you was always the highlight of my day, since it was only us. I remember that guy called me your girlfriend. I’m so grateful you didn’t deny it, even though we weren’t going out. I was such a fool. I didn’t believe it and demanded some proof of your affection. I’m sorry my insecurities got the best of me. But sorry is worthless now. I hope you’re doing well. Are you happy? My heart literally broke when I saw you walking with that girl. I felt so abandoned. But what was I suppose to expect? Of course that was bound to happen sooner or later. But, it was like torture seeing her walk with you everyday. It hurt remembering that it used to be me. It hurt seeing you smiling for her. So I did the best I could to avoid seeing you two. I refused to look up because I was so scared seeing you with her. I remember erasing your number from my phone. I couldn’t handle being reminded of how much I liked you or how much I had wanted to talk to you. I couldn’t handle my desire for you to comfort me. I wasn’t strong enough to keep you in my life, so I erased you. But now, I’ve rebuilt myself. I’m stronger now. And honestly, I want to see you again. But I don’t know how you’ll react. Maybe it’s still too soon. I hope we will be able to meet again one day, laugh about our thing, talk about our lives, like where we’ve been and what we’ve don’t. You know, just catch up with our lives. That would be nice.

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