I can’t figure it out, why I’m still in love with you that is.
My friends think I’m getting over it.
I’m not even close.
My friends joke about him and always bring him up in conversation just to bad mouth him.
They have no idea how even hearing his name stings.
He thinks I like him.
Truth is, I’m in love with the man I’ve been in love with for almost a year.
My friends think I’m over my past.
I’m not, I still struggle every night with the temptations that present themselves upon me.
My friends think I’m faithful to God and pray to him for guidance.
Truth is, I don’t want to pray and asked to be healed, because I’m just not ready to give in yet, I still fight for you everyday.
My friends think I’m obsessed, and annoying about wanting you back.
But if they were in my shoes and saw the man you really were, they would feel the same way too.
I know I’m only in high school and people say that high school love is a joke. But it’s not, just because people say there’s more “fish in the sea” doesn’t make it any easier to get over your first love. The first person you shared your world with, the first guy you ever let in, really let into your crazy mess of a life. The first guy you were completely head over heels about and would do anything for. The first guy you were comfortable enough around to be yourself, not your made up self, but the person you had always been deep down. The first guy you ever told your most precious secret to, and find out that he doesn’t care, he just likes you for you. You never forget your first love.
But no matter how many times I think about it, talk about it, or even listen to songs that talk about it, you still aren’t here with me. And I feel as if I’m wasting my time, but I can’t stop, I won’t stop until i have closure. You owe me answers, but honestly, I could care less about answers to all the many questions I have. I would rather have you back in my arms, than have a million questions in the world answered. I know you are never going to see this, and if you do you most likely won’t know its about you, because i failed to tell you how I felt when I had the chance too. Then I lost you, and can’t tell you now because that will ruin our new found “friendship”. I love you and think about you everyday.
My friends think I’m okay with everything and moved on.
Truth is,the being okay part hasn’t even started yet and it’s been six months.
Good thing you can hide almost anything with a smile and a laugh </3
I love you, thank you for making me the person I am today, I will never forget you, I promise.