• I am the way I am

    by  • November 18, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Moving On • 0 Comments

    I’ve changed. I really have. I’m not the stupid, immature person I was at 16. I thought that all the poor decisions I was making were never gonna catch up to me. Nothing bad would ever happen to me, right? I thought this way until the day I got pregnant. and then suddenly realized that I too was subjected to bad, misfortunate things in the world. I decided to get an abortion. And truthfully I didn’t think too much about it beforehand but now I can never seem to get it off my mind. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about that day and how it has greatly changed every aspect of my life.

    2. The number of people that know. Not even my best friends know, the people that I see everyday and I tell all my other problems to. I live a life of lies and secretes. I wish more than anything that I could get this off my chest and just tell someone. without being judge or worrying about who they will tell or how they are going to think of me. Its like I live a double life. I feel so seperated from other people my age because none of them have gone through the same things I have.

    At that moment I decided to turn my life around. I did not want to become one of those statistics. I had to make a change. I had to change everything about me. Who I hung out with. The kinds of things I did. everything. Basically I grew up when everyone else around me was doing the same things they always did.

    From this moment on, I am going to live the life that I have chosen for myself. I am going to make the most of it despite all my pain and shame. I am going to move forward and surround myself with things that make me happy. and for the rest of the people in my life that might not love me for who I was in the past but if they love me now for the person I am today, thats good enough for me.

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