Is it bad that i wish i were one of you?
That i wish i could regret falling too hard
falling too fast?
wish that i had that one person who i couldn’t forget?
that one person i always go back to?
Is it bad that i wish i were hurting; rather than alone?
rather than being empty
Too afraid to even open myself up to hurt?
Is it bad that i am jealous of your hurt?
of your heartache
of your scars
of your weakness?
Is it bad that i am jealous of what you feel?
I really don’t think it’s that bad.
Because anything must be better than no feeling.
I may be naive, i may look back at this and say to my past self
“i’d give anything to go back there”
But right now,
i’m stuck in this place.
in this state.
this state on loneliness…
I wish i could just scream.
But i don’t know who i would be screaming at, what i would be screaming at.
I don’t think that anyone would hear my screams.
So i’ll stay quiet.
I will be ok,
the nice friend.
I’ll be the one who you wouldn’t think twice about, think
“she must have all the friends in the world”
Man are you wrong, I am hurting.
I just want to live.