• Is it bad?

    by  • November 16, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Frustration • 1 Comment

    Is it bad that i wish i were one of you?

    That i wish i could regret falling too hard
    falling too fast?

    wish that i had that one person who i couldn’t forget?
    that one person i always go back to?

    Is it bad that i wish i were hurting; rather than alone?
    rather than being empty
    self conscious
    and afraid?

    Too afraid to even open myself up to hurt?
    to love
    to breath
    to touch
    to live

    to be?

    Is it bad that i am jealous of your hurt?
    of your heartache
    of your scars
    of your weakness?

    Is it bad that i am jealous of what you feel?

    I really don’t think it’s that bad.
    Because anything must be better than no feeling.
    I may be naive, i may look back at this and say to my past self
    “i’d give anything to go back there”
    But right now,
    i’m stuck in this place.
    in this state.
    this state on loneliness…
    of fear.
    of LIFE.

    I wish i could just scream.
    But i don’t know who i would be screaming at, what i would be screaming at.
    I don’t think that anyone would hear my screams.
    So i’ll stay quiet.
    I will be ok,
    the nice friend.
    I’ll be the one who you wouldn’t think twice about, think
    “she must have all the friends in the world”
    Man are you wrong, I am hurting.
    I hurt.
    I just want to live.

    One Response to Is it bad?

    1. Ramen Noodle
      November 17, 2011 at 10:50 am

      It’s not bad. It’s true. I hurt from love. And even in this pain I find joy. It shows me I can love. You’ll find you life one day. I know you can live. Cause long ago I was were you are. And I survived.

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