• I guess this is letting go

    by  • November 16, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Letting Go • 0 Comments

    I guess when I thought about us and the end I never thought we would be like this. I never thought you would be able to turn off the love that you had for me so easily, I am so hurt by what went on and I honestly don’t think I will ever be able to forgive you for what you did to me. I am trying my hardest to look past everything and be mature about the situation, I do want you to be happy I really do and I guess I was being selfish about her. I am so hurt that you can be lying in your friend with our friend and think everything is alright. I don’t trust her and the last thing I want to have happen to you is you get hurt. I just feel that you can do better, I just want you to remember the boy who you were and the one that cared about people’s feelings, I just gave what you said last night a lot of thought, I just don’t know if it’s fair to me. I deserve to be happy without you and not have my world revolved around you anymore when you will never think of me in the same way again, I just don’t think you deserve me in any form right now physically or emotionally. people are shocked with the things you say and how you treat me, you like we dated for four months not four years , I begin to question the way that you really did feel for me, I will never know if you actually really did love me , last night gave us both closure that we needed and I guess it just hit home when for me when you said you could fuck me and it not matter I get that you are a boy , but I just don’t get how you can turn off your emotions so quickly, you never really wanted me emotionally was something I always tried to look past but I couldn’t do it anymore, I couldn’t love someone that didn’t love me back, and I guess I saw that far before you realized it yourself, we enjoyed our time together and maybe I taught you everything that I was suppose to and you taught me the lessons that I was to learn from you, thank you for loving me and caring for me the way that you did for these past four years, but I can’t sit here and wait and hope you change your mind because I know you aren’t going to change it, so I guess goodbye to the memories we shared, goodbye to the life we had together, goodbye to the dreams we once planned , and goodbye to the life that I knew, I just can’t do this anymore, if you don’t want me then I can’t change your mind, I want you to find happiness one day and hope that you find the girl that you are looking for, one day we will both be happy again, I don’t wanna completely cut you outta my life , but I can’t sit here and pretend I’m not hurt by you, I am numb to you right now and don’t think I will trust any male for a long time to come, you have ruined that part of me, it sucks that we grew outta the love that we shared, but there is nothing that neither one of us can do, it’s sad that I am scared that you are gunna cut me out now that you don’t have me physically anymore because you don’t care to keep me in your life emotionally , that is wrong, I can’t sit here and say that we will be friends one day , I can only hope that we do, but right now I needa do what is best for me and that might be to leave you behind for a little bit and not have you constantly reminding me why I am upset, I don’t wanna be that psycho ex , because that’s not me at all, I hope that one day we can rise above this and be thankful for what we shared, so this is the beginning of me moving on, I have and always will love you , I just can’t do this anymore I really can’t , if something happens and we hook up we do, its life, but give me my space to try to be okay again, I need to be happy again and not upset every day, that’s not me, so let me talk to when I am ready, but I needa start to let go, I know I don’t wanna and prob never will, but this is the beginning of it, I will allow you to come back into my life when I am ready , so give me my time and I will give you yours. It could be short term or it could take a while for me to be okay with you again, I am sorry for everything you will do great things in life. Being loved by you was one of a kind, and I thank you for that, but I need to leave you behind there is a reason you ended it and don’t want me in your future. I love you, but I guess this is the end of something amazing, I really will come to you when I am ready, and I will see you when I see you.

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