The day we met I knew something about you caught my eye. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I wanted to know everything about you. We became such fast friends that everything happened so fast. We moved from friends to people that really liked each other…to people discussing marriage. We dated for five months. And we are seniors in college. We are at the time in our lives where marriage is a possibility. I said to my friend Fee after date number 4 that you were the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I had it all set in my head. You were going to follow me to Chicago so I could pursue acting while you taught and coached. It would have been perfect. Married around 25. I had picked out engagement rings and my bridesmaids even though the wedding wouldn’t be for another 4 years. I knew that you were the one. From those late night walks we took, to the all nighters during the summer where we talked about everything..to laying in bed all day just because we can…I knew you were the one. We share common beliefs. Mine may be a little more open than yours but I know that we balance each other out. The happiest I have ever been when I am around you. You are my rock. You are my everything.
Remember the day on the roof of Bear Park South? Where we first said I love you without speaking the words? We are able to complete each others thoughts. We are able to connect without language. And it is beautiful. Remember the day we went and looked at the stars? I knew then that you were unlike any guy I had ever met. It was the last time we got before school started again.
Then homecoming happened. Your homecoming queen got busy. She lacked sleep. I lacked sleep and I took my stress out on you…that damaged our relationship. Then in the following weeks we pushed each other. Both scared of the commitment and both unsure about our future. We pushed each other away.
Here I am…6 days after we broke up…wondering where did it go wrong? Can we mend it? I know I want to so bad…you don’t though. That is what surprises me. You don’t want to love me anymore. You don’t dream of a family with me. Like I still do with you. Tonight is one of the first Wednesday’s all semester that I have slept alone. I doubt I will be able to sleep tonight without your arms around me. The thought of my bed being half empty makes me eyes fill with tears.
You are the one for me.
I know it in my heart.
My heart cannot be wrong.
YOU are the MAN I will SPEND my LIFE beside.
When will we be able to try again? Will we be able to? I just know that I won’t be able to handle you dating someone else. I gave you everything. Don’t break what still remains.
You told me you have a small portion of you that still thinks we have a chance. Hold on to that. I love you so much. My heart belongs to you still. I am your Rose Queen and you are my knight in shining armor.
We are broken up. Trying to understand what love is. I thought we felt the agape love. The love that was more than just surface. I think when you think to all the good qualities we bring out in one another. When you think of all the beauty our love has blossomed to. When you imagine the rest of your life…do you see me there? Do you see me sitting beside you in a rocking chair watching our grandchildren playing? I do. I see a small little house with a wrap-around porch with a happy family and two people that are so in love that it can’t be contained.
Can we ever work things out? I know my heart cares for you just as much as it did 6 days ago. I know that when we kissed on Monday that you felt something too. You tried to ignore it, but I could tell.
Just promise me that you will pray to God. Ask him for advice. I know in my heart he is telling me to keep fighting for you. To keep fighting for us.
I love you Justin.
That hasn’t changed. I don’t know if it ever will.
I love you like crazy.