I love you so much. I told you that all the time. But I never told you the truth. That I wasn’t in love with you. I feel guilty just remembering your smile; how your eyes lit up when I said it back. I never told you that while your kisses were amazing, they didn’t take my breath away. Your hugs offered security, warmth, and comfort, but never did they take me away from my worries. So why is it I miss you so much? I walked away, having finally built up enough courage. If I don’t regret that, why do I feel so awful?
I feel guilty because you were and are an incredible person. I feel guilty because you loved me and I never deserved that. You say you’re glad I gave us this chance…but really, all I did was steal your precious time. I took months, almost a year, from you that could possibly have been better spent. I am so sorry that I did not fall in love with you. And I am sorry that I can never marry you.I am sorry that I don’t regret stealing that time from you. I wouldn’t change the past – not even if it meant sparing us both this pain. Yours more than mine.
I need a fairy tale. I can’t settle, not even for someone as perfect as you. I have to find the person perfect for me. I must wait for him – even if he doesn’t exist. But I am sorry that you cannot be him.
I hope one day you find the girl made for you. Then you will know why I broke your heart. I most likely won’t like her – but I will love your happiness. I have always loved that. Just like your smile.
Take care, my dear. Know that I will always love you, and will be there if you ever need me. But first, heal your heart. Move on from me. Then, perhaps, one day we will meet again and can love equally.