you were always my safety crush. the boy i was allowed to like, but knew i’d never get. at first we were just friends from afar, and i simply just admired you. you spoke up for the little people, you weren’t afraid to call people out on their shit. then somehow we became real friends. soon i was actually learning about you and you about me. i never really thought about you romantically because you were in a long term relationship, and i try my best not to think dirty thoughts about boys with girlfriends.
that night after the movie, i should of asked you if you were okay. i can’t believe i didn’t even notice that you were hurting. i should had known that you weren’t kissing me because you had real feelings towards me. it was only because she had just broken your heart. then that kissing led to more and then sex. and still i didn’t think to ask why any of it was happening.
now i don’t know what’s going on. i really like you. you’ve become one of my best friends, and at the moment one of my only friends. i know we decided not to label whatever we are but it still hurts me. on facebook it still says your dating your ex. you tell people that you two are still together. i know you say you only tell people that because you don’t want them knowing anything personal about you, but i want people to know.
i wish i could not care about what others think or about what i think but it’s so hard. when you talk about her i don’t know how to react. you love her so much and i am so sorry she left you, but i’m still here. i’m still human. when we’re alone you’re so compassionate, yet in public i can’t even hold your hand. i don’t understand what you’re feeling about us because you wont just tell me. i’ve laid all my cards on the table yet i have no idea what you’re thinking.
i just need to know if i’m allowed to love you or not