• Moving on, or trying to

    by  • November 15, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Closure • 1 Comment

    There is so much I want to say to you right now and I have no idea where to start. We were together for 2 years and to be honest, I’m not sure what kept me with you for so long. You made me feel bad about myself, you never apologized for anything, you always made everything my fault, you were never understanding unless I forced you to be, and for the longest time, I’m the one that spend hours on end just thinking about things I could do to make you happy. Maybe its the fact that you were my first. I wanted the perfect high school relationship. Everyone always told me that high school sweethearts never lasted and I wanted to prove all of them wrong. I wanted to marry you, even though I knew i wouldn’t be happy for long unless I did it all myself. What can I say, I was lovestruck. I made everything about you seem perfect in my mind although there were so many things that I wanted to change. Whenever someone asked about you I sometimes made things up, because most of the time, we were in a fight and when we weren’t we were talking as little as possible. And for some reason, I continued to check my phone every few minutes because I taught myself to smile and be happy every time my phone lit up. Even when you were annoyed at me, knowing you sent me a message made me so much “happier.” I tried for you, you know. I made you the absolute number one priority in my life. You came before schoolwork, my best friends, even my family. And I never got that in return. I was always the go to girl if your other plans got cancelled.
    So now, here we are two years later. Broken up, still talking occasionally. I’m trying to move on, I really am but something in my mind is holding me back. I can’t say I didn’t love you because I did, very much. And i still do. I’m just afraid to admit it because i don’t like it. I don’t like the image I made you in my mind. I made you look so incredibly perfect and now, i see someone I dont even know. I guess you can say I’m angry at myself, for staying with you this long, and always making excuses for you, or blaming myself. But I’m done now. I’m moving on and you have to accept that.

    Related Post

    One Response to Moving on, or trying to

    1. court
      November 15, 2011 at 11:29 pm

      if I didn’t know better I would have thought I wrote that




      0



      0

    Leave a Reply