• Mom…

    by  • November 15, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Disappointment, Parents • 0 Comments

    It frustrates me to even for a second miss you. I know you mean well… but 20yrs of consistent disappointment, annoyance, heartbreak, confusion and… frustration.. has led me to never want anything to do with you.
    As much as I wish that’s true, there’s still hope you’ll change and be the mom I always needed and wished you’d be. This hope angers me even more, and makes me so indescribably upset.
    I can’t bring you up at all without crying, without sorrow and without feeling this hole in my heart where I’d wish you’d be.
    I’m tired of you acting like you care about me.. when you’re selfish enough to write us off just like that.
    It’s been 6 months… no phone call.
    I can’t even listen to other people talk about how great their mother daughter relationship is.
    You’ve ruined me. I’ll never forgive you for that.
    I noticed now why I hate staring in the mirror so much.
    Because when I do, it reminds me of you. I wish I didn’t look anything like you… maybe then I won’t have a constant reminder of you in my life.
    Sometimes, I wish you’d just fully leave so I can have a better excuse to feel the way I do about you..
    No matter how much I despise you, I love you so much, and that I hate even more.
    You’ve never been the mom you needed to be.. you don’t deserve how much effort I’ve put in to fixing your life… and how much I’ve sacrificed a childhood for that.
    I don’t want to see you at Thanksgiving… but a part of me wishes you’ll be there.
    Love, your daughter

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