I met you three years ago. I spoke to you once and your face and your voice and your personality overwhelmed me.
As soon as we finished talking I ran to my friend to tell her how great you were. We didn’t talk again for almost two and a half years.
I heard you were auditioning for a play, and so I auditioned too. I wanted to be in it, of course, but you were the deciding factor. So we both got in, and I found you as exciting as before. We began talking more, flirting, texting. We even kissed a few times, and honestly you were the best kisser I had ever met, and remain that.
But big exams were coming up and we knew it was not the time to be distracted. When they were over, we started talking more again. I really liked you. Really really liked you. But you were only here for the next few months, and nothing could happen without at least one of us getting hurt when you had to leave. So, painfully, we left it as friends. I don’t know what you felt for me then, but I liked you so much. Then results came around. You got your 3 A*s, you absolute genius. And you were gone.
I had a bit of a fling with someone else, tried to forget about you. And it kind of worked. I’d accepted you were gone and I was left behind.
Then you text me. And you were back in my life. But this time, platonic relationship. After all, a text doesn’t reveal much about your personality, I couldn’t start falling for you again just through a text.
But then, I came to visit you.
We kissed again, and then something which I never thought would happen, we slept together. I remember thinking on the first day how much me from a few months ago would have loved this to happen. But then me from now started to love it as well. And not just because it was good sex (although, for the record, it seriously was), but because all the reasons why I’d fallen for you in the first place came flooding back.
I don’t know how I’d thought I would be able to avoid that.
But your face, (you’d changed your hair, and you looked less school-boy, more student) and your masculinity, your muscles, the fact that you could pick me up, your sensitivity, your generosity, how sweet and, let’s be honest, how seriously good looking you are. It all just came back.
And then I left and now I’m back here, and you’re out there, going out, and properly living. And I just have to sit here and work out what the hell I should do. I’ve been down the friends-with-benefits route before, and its left me feeling like im good enough to sleep with but not good enough to have a relationship with.
So now I really don’t know what to do. All the feelings for you have come back, and I’m confused as hell. And I’m pretty sure you don’t have any feelings for me. What do I do?
I know you’re sometimes on here, so if you read this and you feel the same, let me know. And if you don’t, just let me down gently. Because I can’t take any more heartache right now.
Love you lots.