firsts are special. they’re never forgotten, no matter how small they can seem. especially when they involve a person who is special to the occasion, they can never just be another face in the crowd. you’re never going to be just another person to me. never. no matter how hard i try, you always stand out to me in a crowd, even when i’m not looking for you. is it wrong for me to wish that i could simply forget about it all and not look back? i think you already have, but it doesn’t always feel like it. when you talk to me, it’s to be polite, not because you care. i care about you, and i think you used to care about me, but it was always in the same way for both of us. what happened between us was special for me, not because it had a deeper meaning behind it, but because it was my first. after that though, i never thought about you as more than a friend, though admittedly it did cross my mind once or twice. so why is this so hard for us? we’ve been good friends from the second we met, and i miss that. i miss your crazy personality, your smiling face, and the way i could talk to you about almost anything. but its all gone now, and i want it back. do i regret anything? absolutely not, but if i had known about the way you would act to me four and a half months later, i would have thought twice. i don’t know if it would have been any different, but i can’t decide if it would have been worth it. i know that i can’t change the past, but i’m not asking for much in the future. a real conversation wouldn’t be bad, but just having you in my life is more than i can explain. why i want that so badly i can’t explain, but all i know it that it’s true, and i can’t help it. so if this is how we talk after four months of not seeing each other, i can’t imagine what it will be like when it’s been another three months, making it seven months since we’ve really talked. that’s way to long to be away from you, and i already miss you. please come back into my life, it’s too quiet without you. i’ll always love you no matter what, and i miss you.