It’s here. His birthday. I wouldn’t say I have been dreading it, but I guess there seems to be a cloud over my head, just waiting to see if I can take the rain or not. Before, I would always look forward to this day. I always thought it would give me an excuse to be able to start a conversation with him again. An excuse to finally feel connected to him on some level again. We haven’t talked in so long and I miss him desperately. I play these mind games with myself, tricking my mind into thinking maybe a simple happy birthday could start a good conversation and we get back into our beautiful flow again and he realizes he misses me more than he thought he did. What if that happened. Although, a simple thank you back would make my heart leap just as much. Then there are those fears. Those ever to prevalent fears of no respond back or no answer. What happens then? I would crumble. I would feel embarrassed and disappointed in myself for failing to stay strong. But then again what if he answers? I am beyond unsure and have been torturing myself to find the answer. It’s a simple “happy birhtday” but would it be worth it?