I’ve never been good at dealing with emotions or feelings. It usually takes me 4-5 months after making someone a close friend and then one really drunken night out to figure out I like that person.
But you? I only knew you for less than a week when it occurred to me. The only reason I was able to figure out I like you is because I feel awkward with you and you don’t fall into the following two categories: potential creeper and super nerd with an absurd vocabulary that I can’t follow. Yep, I admit I’m that special and out of touch with my own emotions and feelings. The thing is I can carry a conversation with anyone with a decent flow. You, though? It makes me laugh when I think about it.
I know our conversations lose their groove quickly but it’s not my fault. I’m fighting the urge to just skip the 4-5 months of getting to know you and that drunken night where our guards our down and just go to to the part, when I can just take your hand in mine, enjoy the silence, people watch at bars and it not be weird. I don’t know how to do that, though.
I don’t like that I figured it out before we got to know each other better. I can’t be my awesome self, when it’s just us two around anymore.
The internal battle starts right away when you are around: play it safe and talk awkwardly or risk it and just grab your damn hand and see what happens. I kind of hate knowing. You won’t get to know me properly and will think I’m just a spazz if I don’t, which, yes I am one but not like this or if I act too early, you might think I’m a crazy weirdo.
I don’t know how you feel. You do keep trying to hang. So, maybe there is hope. I know I’m pretty confused in general. So, perhaps, one day my brain will just turn off and I’ll figure out how to hang with you acting exactly how I want to: one hand in yours and the other holding a mighty fine, cold beer.