• Dear Family,

    by  • November 14, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Family Stuff • 2 Comments

    I am not well. I feel that these are my last days. I am depressed, sad, and I am in a dark place. I’ve been faking like everything is okay and it’s not. In a matter of days, I am about to lose everything and I don’t think I can’t hold on any longer. I feel like the four walls are closing in me and the karma demons are after me for what did to S*. I’ve been harming my body and my self-respect by having sex with men who don’t and never will give a shit about me. I have not been happy in a long time, but I don’t want to make anyone unhappy because I am, I feel it’s not fair. I’ve screwed up everything and I don’t know how in god’s name I will get it all back. Everything is ruined. I talk to myself because I have no friends, not even one to depend on. I feel that at 31 I am living my worst nightmare: No man, no children, no money, no friends, and no life. I threw it all away and I have no one to blame but myself. All I want to do is take drugs and drink all my sorrows away. I’m not set out to live this life anymore, because I don’t think it’s going to get any better. I’ve tried everything to make it better, but I FAIL each and every time. I don’t how to heal, I don’t know how to get over this pain, and I don’t know how to live anymore. I’m an ugly, vile, mean, nasty, and undeserving person. I’ve burned bridges and severed ties, I am just an empty shell. I ask god for forgiveness everyday, but I don’t think he hears me, or even wants to. I am tired and my soul is weak. I fear that these are my end of days.

    I’m scared.

    Love,
    E.

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    2 Responses to Dear Family,

    1. Trina
      November 14, 2011 at 7:20 pm

      Hi E, I just felt compelled to write to you. I’ve been in the same situation that you’re in right now. And I promise you it does get better. The good news is that you’re only 31 not 71! God willing, you have many, many years ahead of you and you can be happy if you choose to be. I know it’s not easy, but I’ve been there and I’m proof that you need to pick yourself up and you’ll be okay. Get out there and do something positive to contribute to the world and that will increase your self esteem and you will make some friends. Volunteer…go visit old people in an old folks home. Give food to the poor. Do something that will bring a smile to someone’s face and it’s the best feeling in the world. 🙂

      I’ll pray for you…good luck. 🙂




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    2. Madeline
      November 14, 2011 at 8:24 pm

      Please do not give up. Life is so precious. Think of how much you’ve gone through in your life, how many memories and friendships and wonderful things you’ve collected in all those years. There is always someone who cares about you. Even in the darkest of the darkest times when you feel like there is nobody, there is. If you don’t believe it, then know that I care about you. My heart goes out to you. I do not believe that you are ugly or vile or any of the things that you say you are because no matter how many bridges you’ve burned or mistakes you made, an ugly and vile person would never be able to recognize their mistakes as regrettable. You are a deserving person. Please just give it time. You’ve got to pick yourself up because you owe it to yourself. Cry your heart out and recognize your mistakes, but use that to cleanse and forgive yourself. Reach out to people – anybody kind. Sometimes all we need is some companionship. You are a beautiful, intelligent, caring, and deserving person. Everyone deserves a second change; please give yourself one.




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