I am not well. I feel that these are my last days. I am depressed, sad, and I am in a dark place. I’ve been faking like everything is okay and it’s not. In a matter of days, I am about to lose everything and I don’t think I can’t hold on any longer. I feel like the four walls are closing in me and the karma demons are after me for what did to S*. I’ve been harming my body and my self-respect by having sex with men who don’t and never will give a shit about me. I have not been happy in a long time, but I don’t want to make anyone unhappy because I am, I feel it’s not fair. I’ve screwed up everything and I don’t know how in god’s name I will get it all back. Everything is ruined. I talk to myself because I have no friends, not even one to depend on. I feel that at 31 I am living my worst nightmare: No man, no children, no money, no friends, and no life. I threw it all away and I have no one to blame but myself. All I want to do is take drugs and drink all my sorrows away. I’m not set out to live this life anymore, because I don’t think it’s going to get any better. I’ve tried everything to make it better, but I FAIL each and every time. I don’t how to heal, I don’t know how to get over this pain, and I don’t know how to live anymore. I’m an ugly, vile, mean, nasty, and undeserving person. I’ve burned bridges and severed ties, I am just an empty shell. I ask god for forgiveness everyday, but I don’t think he hears me, or even wants to. I am tired and my soul is weak. I fear that these are my end of days.