This is farewell – I have to say goodbye
Goodbye to escaping into cyberspace – yes, even goodbye to LINS
I need help, real help and I finally realized that I can not find it in an artificial world. Not by writing my deepest thoughts in here. Not by living my live online no matter how real my feelings are.
This is farewell
It helped writing here, the ability to express freely. Reading others experiencing similar and some of the comments. This feeling of not being alone. The thing is this though, at the end of it all? I am alone.
THAT I have to change. Maybe not so much in letting people into my life, because I do have people in my life. Reliable very loving, good people. But I have to let go of this actual feeling, of being alone, even though I am not really. It’s nobody else but little nobody me, myself with this problem.
Maybe it a crazy age thing I am going through.
Maybe it’s really this thing called depression based on my current circumstances.
Maybe this or maybe that or maybe another…does it matter the reasons?
Not really, the outcome is what’s important.
I realize this now. I don’t want to hide any more.
Yes I have been hiding away, I know. Away from life itself in so many ways and while I knew, and felt it passing by, with each second ticking, I felt (and still feel) simply helpless and unable to escape.
This, this is just a small step and I know it really doesn’t matter to anybody in here. Of course not, I am a sand corn on the beach and that’s okay. That’s the nature of cyberspace. Easy to get lost in its beauty. But I see all this immense beauty around me.
This is farewell and a thank you to everybody out there who may have read and felt my words, who added their sentiments, who participates in this exchanges of lonely moments.
Happiness but so often sadness. So much I can relay too.
I wish everyone the very best in life and an abundance of happiness. I wish everybody the guidance they need to see what’s right in front of them and what power each one of us has to change ourselves; or the things we are not satisfied with.
The power to overcome obstacles or simply go around them to reach the goal.
I wish the world would be smarter and wiser but it is what it is (I am the dumbest of all anyway). Each one of us can only change what we really want to. Importance is what we give importance to. I am trying…
Ah Love. This mystical feeling by so many stretched, tried and more complicated as it really has to. Why is that?
Often by fear. Often by it not ‘really’ being important enough.
Often simply confused in the get go.
Often this feeling of love itself being merely a wishful thinking of it being so.
I think there are no rules for love. There is nobody stopping you but the one who doesn’t want you. I repeat, doesn’t WANT to. Their choice, and if that’s the case? (Just like so many so adequately already stated before) It’s not worth it, it’s just not the kind of love you are searching for anyway.
God I wish I would actually feel this very last sentence! In a way I do know it’s ultimate truth but this pain is relentless.
If you both love each other, stop being stupid and work TOGETHER to make it happen. Together you can be an unbeatable force against all and any obstacles. Yes, NO MATTER WHAT! What a sinful waste if not! I was sad and angry so often reading this idealistic view of love in space without a possibility. It is possible but boils down to what is more important to each of you! Not simple, still truth and deep down everybody knows it too!
Nonetheless, this is farewell. A tiny step into the right direction, I believe. A tiny step out of cyberspace and LINS being only the first part.
One less site I will express what’s deep inside. One less site I read similarities with a bitter sweet smile, knowing he doesn’t even know of this site and if he does – he would never know, nor would I without actual names given.
A tiny step away from giving importance where I really shouldn’t (no matter how much I want nothing else but do just that!). Love or not, it’s not important enough to him to change a thing. Maybe it’s fear but the reasons, like choices, are his as this is mine. I know I tried it all and have no regrets. I will continue to try best I can, directly and openly as I have. Maybe even more if he allows enough time for me to do so.
Farewell and goodbye. Best wishes of happiness and strength in hard times – to all.
Starting tomorrow, a Monday, fresh with one less site to dwell on, a little less cyberspace time spent. A little more time to do something that is more real to me.
Whatever real is right?
Hang in there everyone and when shit shalt hit the fan?
Keep smiling but your mouth closed 😉