• Dear Tomas,

    by  • November 13, 2011 • Addiction • 0 Comments

    I Can’t stand how much you still mean to me. I can’t stand knowing, that I can’t watch my favorite movies without thinking of you. I hate it when people ask me if I’ve watched DogMa, “Yeah, my friend wanted me to watch it, and then kept distracting me.”. You are my set standard, I know I’m supposed to hate you. I know you clearly wish I did. Hating you is like hating myself and I’m far too cocky to do that. You’re a big piece of me. You helped shape me, You helped me through a lot. You were there when you didn’t need to be, if only for a little while. I wish I could have smartened up. I’m glad I didn’t at the same time. I miss you, I feel like such a god damn stalker, I don’t mean like I check your profile everyday its just I can’t get you out of my fucking head, you have a girlfriend, you’re clearly happy without me. considering you don’t text me, or talk to me. Maybe you’ll comment on my shit if I’m lucky but, I told you I was done trying, because I thought it would give me some odd form of closure, which it clearly fucking didn’t. I got my hips pierced, probably subconsciously because I know you’d like it. I hate missing you, missing the way I was around you. I hate missing being with you when I was with you every fucking day. I hate wondering if its me, or what? I hate wondering what the fuck I did wrong that you can’t even fucking talk to me anymore. I thought sex would give me closure, I thought saying I was done would give me closure, I thought being with other people would, I thought not talking to you would, I thought boxing your shit would. All I can do is hide from these fucking feelings. All I ever do is hide from them. I want to hate you. I wish it were that fucking simple.

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