You’re driving me crazy. You have been for a while.
What is it when you can’t get someone out of your mind? Is that love? Or insanity? I think about you constantly. You’re always in my thoughts in some way. And when I actually see you? My heart goes into meltdown. But not in a fresh love sense, just that I’m so so happy that you’re close to me. I like to just look at you, is that a bad thing? Does that make me crazy?
You’re a friend. A friend with benefits. But it’s not like we act like that sometimes! You know me, you know me better than anyone and you… you talk to me like you want it to be more than that. But you’re too scared. Or is that just what I want it to be? You ask me weird things sometimes. You ask me how my love life is, and whether I was flirting with that guy at the union. Seems a bit of an odd thing for a friend with benefits to ask doesn’t it?
Don’t stop talking to me, or texting me, or messaging me. I’m so scared this is all temporary. I don’t want to count the minutes but I don’t know if we’ll see each other after graduation. We’re gonna be in two separate countries. I don’t even want to think about it in case I see in not lasting. I want to know, I don’t want to know. Stay with me a little while longer. Keeping talking to me, touching me, even when it’s when the backs of the world are turned. Even though you don’t want the world to know about us. Please don’t. You’re my happiness right now. You’re what keeps me afloat, is the thought of you when I’m alone in my room and there’s no one to turn to. You’re eyes make me smile. Just the thought of your eyes, your smile.
Is this love? It can’t be, surely? After so long?