• I don’t understand you…

    by  • November 11, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 0 Comments

    It’s been what…6 or 7 years since we’ve known each other. Sure things were weird when we first met, you were shy, awkward and introverted while I was short, loud and sarcastic. Even though I liked you, I had a boyfriend. But I still kinda liked you and loved spending time with you. Not that my BF did. That was back then. You’ve been with me for years, whether at school or at work you were always there. Then came my first year of university and your first year with you’re girlfriend.

    While I was busy dating engineers being newly single, you were with her. All the time. And although I was in other relationships, I still thought of you though. I’d message you but you just never cared to respond. We lost touch for a year and now, with these last few years and much older, we are closer than ever. And I love that. I really do. What i don’t like nor understand is you.

    You’ve liked me for years but it was never the right time for us. You never made the move nor did you ever try to show me you were interested. Now you’re being more loving to me than ever and yet never like with her. I don’t understand. You tell me I’m beautiful. I’ve even caught you breathlessly looking at me even though I really didn’t look that good. You tell me I deserve the world. That I’m wonderful and then some. You flirt with me like crazy. That your so blessed to have me as a friend. You told me that you found someone in high school that was unlike anyone else and that no one had been able to replace her in your mind. But you never said her name. How can I feel the same way when you never really tell me what’s going on in your head? I hate it. But here I am still unsure of my feelings. I hate that I pushed you away to her.

    I can’t help but feel like you bring out something better in me. Maybe that’s what I really want. But it still hurts because I don’t know. After all the hugs, the secrets, the temptation, the love or lust….I guess I thought I’d know the answer by now.

    Do you still like me? Or did you never stop? Or was it just a way for you to get intimacy when she wasn’t there for you?

    Or maybe I’m just very coincided and think the world revolves around me. Hopefully I can find out in the next few years, or those years can be used to heal wounds.

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