• Something more?

    by  • November 10, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 0 Comments

    Dear D,

    I would do anything to just know how you feel about me. I can’t figure out how I feel about you, and so I guess that maybe, if I knew your side of it, I’d be able to make up my mind.

    Part of me loves you. I am more comfortable around you than almost anyone else, and you know me better than almost anyone else. You know my opinions, but also my past. You’ve seen me change as we’ve grown up together, and I know that has to mean something. I hope this goes both ways. you’ve read my old love letters, and would notice that this is not the same. I am more cautious and less emotional, but maybe it’s because this matters more. We’ve shared so much already that I want us to be able to share even more.

    But the other part of me thinks that we’re too similar. We’re both so afraid of changing what we have that out relationship will never grow deeper. And while we both know each other, I’m afraid that neither of us know ourselves well enough. My fear is that you wouldn’t be a leader.

    But at the same time, I have the desire to not stop talking to you and to not end the time we have together. I catch myself wondering what would happen if I grabbed your hand, kissed you in the cheek, or added an ‘I love you’ to a good night text. Would it add an awkwardness or would it spark what’s been coming all along?

    My friends have seen me go from thinking we’ll get married, to saying that we won’t, to being this confused about you.

    Because I know myself well enough that I know I’m not going to ask you what your feeling are, I guess only time will tell.

    I would love for it to lead us to something wonderful, but I will do my best not to get my hopes up.

    I will only hope that I will never have to lose you.

    I love you (obviously more that you know),
    E

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