• who am i kidding?

    by  • November 9, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Thinking of you • 0 Comments

    i guess i’m writing this to myself to get my feelings out or to you dear reader just so somewhere i know someone is listening to me and it won’t be someone judging me or thinking “she’s so pathetic” or that i’m a hopeless romantic, but it’s been 5 months and who am i kidding?

    my friends i think. they think i’m over him, they think i don’t care about what happens to him or what could have been. they don’t know i still love him and he’s the first thing i think about in the morning and the last at night, that every wish i make i make wishing that maybe just maybe one day he’ll talk to me again or even a poke on facebook as sad as that sounds i don’t care. but the fact that he cut me out of his life like that and had me believing he loved me and that it was going good hurt. and still hurts.

    it would have been a year on the 6th of november since he asked “will you be the bonnie to my clyde?”.

    fireworks night he asked me.

    i saw my friends with him when we went to the park to see the sky light up in thousands of lights that made think anything is possible. and you know what they told me…”this is the happiest i’ve ever seen you”

    yet somehow i know that he’s out there in london in his house with his brothers not even thinking of me. not even subconsciously. although dear reader it was not my fault we ended i was the perfect girlfriend. never came between him and his mates or family doted on him all the time yet still kept the balence between my friends and him. but no that was not for him.

    i was not his one. yet how was he mine?

    sometimes in life you find a person, a person that fills you up with love, laughter, even tears yet they can do no harm be it physical or emotional to you because at the end it’s that cheeky grin, that floppy fluffy spiky hair and those hazel eyes that make you remember why you love them, it’s the way he holds your hand shows you how to feed a horse, puts up with watching a disney movie with you and giving you a bear hug and tea when you get to his after you’ve trecked in the snow to see him. and most of all for me it’s him knowing just what starbucks drink i want to suit my mood. he was perfect in his imperfected way right down to his annoying habit of quoting life quotes that i didn’t understand till 20 minutes later of him explaining it to me and to his imperfect tattoo on his arm that had a slight glitch on its top left side..he was my impefect boyfriend who is now a memory. almost a dream in my mind.

    who am i kidding but my friends. i still love him but he does not love me and i guess i have no choice but to kid the world a little bit more until someday perhpas my wish’s will come true..

    till that day dear reader i shall be continuing on with my life even perhps in love because, maybe there’s another person just as imperfect as him for me out there i do not know but if i find one i shall stop kidding the world and i will let you know

    till then dear reader say hi to a guy whos 20 and has spiky fluffy floppy hair (yes its possible) with hazel eyes and a tatto on his left arm send him me best and that maybe i will see him soon hopefully one fine day and also…

    …say hi to that imperfect person you know because he may just be your prince charming…maybe not in shinning armour but he’ll b a prince…a prince just for you.

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