Who knew that I could come to despise someone that I loved so much. You are the type of person that makes me wish I could stop feeling, remain numb and jus give up, and sadly, I cannot. It is not fair how you treat me, how you constantly degrade me for who I am. I know I deserve so much more but right now I am trapped with you. I imagine leaving you, leaving this life and starting over new. My family holds me back because I could never do that to them. If they were not around, I would be gone. I would have been gone months ago. Even if I told you this to your face you would shrug and tell me to do it. Almost as though you are cheering me on- perhaps it is what we both want but are too afraid to go through with it. I cannot stand to see you drunk one more time, or to smell the obnoxious scent of alcohol on your breath.
I deserve so much more in life. I deserve for someone to take care of me when I am down instead of someone who brings me down with them and then feeds off that despair. I deserve someone who recognizes my achievements instead of berating me for my mistakes.
I know I need to leave you, but I just need to find the courage. You are not healthy for me, and if I am too much of a coward to ever do so, you will be the death of me.