LISTEN. That’s all any of you have to do! Stop being sarcastic, and then just assume I know you’re joking. It hurts, no matter how much I laugh and smile and giggle on the outside. If you EVER want to know the secret to saving a life, I’ve learned from many experiences that it’s to just listen.
The only people listening to me are my suicidal best friend, who I’m afraid to confide in for fear of disrupting her recovery, and the guy who’s “supposedly” an asshole, but at least he’s promising to be the brother I’ve damned well never had.
So thank you, LINS, for being the one to listen to me, finally….
I want to move away from my hometown after college. I want to live in a big city in a dangerous neighborhood in a cheap apartment. I will own few valuable possessions, and I will rarely ever be inside my house. That’s what I want my adulthood to be until I get married.
Until then, I want to go to the college you hate with a passion, daddy.
Until then, I want to major in psychology, NOT business and marketing- that field has destroyed you…
Until then, I want to work jobs during the summer, not volunteer at a Commonwealth Attorney’s office.
Until then, I want to save my work money to request special permission to live off campus as a college freshman so that my best friend, when she moves back from Thailand, can come live with me. Haven’t you seen how horrible my mood has been since she left? I can’t stand being without the one person who is truly like a sister- with all the fights and love and everything in between.
Until then, I want to live out my last two years in silent rebellion because of this “perfectly excellent” home, in this “perfectly excellent” county, where the only acceptable form of being is perfectly excellent.
I want to make my own choices, but everybody always decides for me, or chooses for me, or, worse, just ignores me all together. But I know part of it is my fault, I need to learn to be less of whatever isn’t good about me, I just haven’t figured out what that part is yet…
I’m not a perfect person, but I’ve tried so long to be that, that now I don’t know who I am… At least I know I like to ramble, right?
What do I do?
P.S.- Saving a life is more than listening, it’s being able to help and to hold, too. But none of you guys will ever figure that out, because nobody ever tries to save anyone, except for me and my best friend. And, yes, she is my ONE AND ONLY best friend.