I can’t believe it’s been four months since we’ve said a word to each other. And I can’t believe that I’m writing you this. I honestly thought not talking to you would be the best option for me and I could just move on with my life and start school and not have to think of you ever again. Not have to think of how happy I was when we were talking. Not have to think of how much you hurt me. Not have to think of how much time I wasted on you.
But the funny thing is..I still think about you. And not in the “Oh, I hope he’s doing well” way. Not even in the “oh I hate him so much” way. I just think about you. I wish I knew what was going on in your life now…actually, no. I don’t. I just wish things weren’t the way they are now.
I hate that there are songs that can still make me stop whatever I’m doing and think of you. I wish it had been as easy as saying “I’m done” and forgetting you ever existed. But you didn’t just exist, did you? You were definitely a big part of my life for a long time. And then it was done. I’m honestly still so confused as to what happened between us.
I hear that you speak of me occasionally. I don’t really know what I think about that. Does that mean you regret what happened? Maybe that’s why I’ve been thinking of you lately. Because I know that this wasn’t easy for you either. Did we make a mistake? Are we complete idiots? It wouldn’t surprise me. We really have been stupid about everything we’ve done.
But what happens if we do speak again? I can only see that ending in frustration on both ends. I’m not ready for that. As weird as it is not to have you in my life anymore…please. Stay out of my life for now. And out of my thoughts.
So here we are. Still not speaking. Trust me, it wasn’t worth it. You weren’t worth it. I’m sorry we ever kissed and got ourselves into this ridiculous mess. Who knows where we’ll end up. But for now, let’s just live with the choices we both made.