• Gosh I am an idiot and then again…

    by  • November 8, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 4 Comments

    Me and my insecurities. I felt something is wrong. something is really wrong. I felt it, I knew.

    Not wanting it to be something with you, I told myself it’s me. My insecurities, told myself you just don’t love me, don’t care.

    I should have listened to my feelings, my born instinct. I should have listened instead of so quickly doubt, then again I still do – just differenet.

    I am an idiot with selfish needs. A contradiction darn near impossible to explain. Explain, more words, what for?

    Yes, I am an idiot! Then again, you are an idiot for shutting me out, not realizing how much worse it would be, it is.

    We are both selfish yet thinking of the other, just not straight because all logic has been out the window so long ago.

    The truly ironic thing is that I could make all your worries disappear, that would be so easy for me….and you, you could make all my worries disappear and it would be so easy for you. Point: combining and sharing, neither one of us would be tired and heavy loaded as we are.

    Trust, faith in love …not easy, is it? Never is but without it, nobody will be happy.

    I love you, let’s share, let’s share it all. Oh god I wish you would and let me too. Choices dear but yes, I admit, I am just an idiot and a very helpless one at that…especially right now.

    Worries and one of the biggest fear has come true. We are not invincible and if ever – this, these are the moments that show what we are to each other.

    I will be here for you, dying just a little more inside because you take all choices from me. Hurt because instead of needing me, wanting me close you shut me out and push me further away.

    Your ‘peaceful’ world will take care of you.

    BUT I will be here for you because that is what love is all about, KNOW I will be here, that’s all you want.

    Seems you will really never know but then again, I am an idiot and that will never change.

    Take a moment to wonder, how did I even know? Maybe that means nothing though.

    Rambling…and half asleep, I am such an idiot.

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    4 Responses to Gosh I am an idiot and then again…

    1. Another Idiot
      November 8, 2011 at 8:39 am

      I was going to go on a rant about how you keep tabs on me, yet never contact me personally. How pissed off that makes me. But then again, I’ve been doing the same thing for the longest time. That is the definition of idiotic.

      I’m willing to try if you are (if you are who I think you are).

      I love you.




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    2. From Idiot to Idiot
      November 8, 2011 at 10:45 am

      There are so many idiots out there but I am very much personally in contact with my counter part. While it’s more then doubtful that my situation will ever change (his choices), best wishes to you that yours will.




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    3. PS.
      November 8, 2011 at 11:02 am

      No personal contact? Sounds strange, maybe you should initiate to be sure you even have a connection? Fantasy can actually hurt, don’t be a victim.




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    4. PS
      November 8, 2011 at 2:16 pm

      You are right. 🙂




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