• Fear of everything

    by  • November 8, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Fear • 1 Comment

    OCD it’s a fear based disorder. Pretty sure I have mild OCD…but it’s not just my tapping and my excessive hand washing and my anxiety with being touched that are fear based.
    I’m a slut because I’m afraid.
    I’m afraid of commitment. Yeah, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to commit.
    I’m afraid of getting hurt. And yeah, you hurt me anyway, but It would have been much worse if I was actually in love with you or something.
    And…I’m afraid of not being able to fall in love.

    I don’t want to let go of Jeremy, but I’m losing you, and that hurts and makes me sad. I almost want to at least try and conquer my fear of relationships, but I always pictured myself doing that with Jeremy. There’s just so much about him that I just love. The problem is that I can’t tell if him and I are going anywhere or not. And if we’re not, then I would definitely want to try and get over my fear with you. I mean, eventually I’ll have to try and be in a relationship again. I keep telling myself I will when I’m ready, but what if I’m never ready?

    Here I am, afraid again. Always acting out of fear. I honestly don’t know what to do.

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    One Response to Fear of everything

    1. CT
      November 8, 2011 at 3:04 pm

      I too have OCD, and your thoughts sound so similar to mine. I don’t have the right words to say, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Just take it one day at a time, and know that you are special.



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