Dear Ex Boyfriend,
YOU SUCK. Not just “don’t have an umbrella on a rainy day” suck but more like “I have explosive diarrhea and just ran out of toilet paper” suck. You were a BIG waste of my time. Three years to be exact. It was three years of me bending over backwards (sometimes literally mind you) to please your every desire. Three very long, long years where I swam up stream and against all odds just because I thought it might work out. I’ve come to realize that in a relationship, you can’t just think you have to know, and it can’t just might it just should. Those three long years… I received enough “too much cleavage” looks, one too many “this hug is long enough” pats on the back to realize that YOU never really invested much into our relationship. But NOOOOOOOOOOO, we women ALWAYS think we can change the fucker. Why was I there for so long? Maybe your beautiful smile or your witty charm… no, couldn’t have been those things. You don’t count with them… who knows. Thing is I did, and you sucked me DRY! I should have left you when I found that stack of porn in your night stand and your excuse was “sometimes when we do it I need motivation”. That should have been my detonator. Instead, I opted for getting a boob job and maxing out my credit cards. Fuck was I stupid. Either way, it was three years too long and if you should die before me I just want to let you know, that if I ever get the chance I’m going to visit you at your grave and spit on it. Just because I think you suck.
Your Ex Girlfriend