• I miss your arms around me

    by  • November 7, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Lost Love • 0 Comments

    I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for showing me who I can be, and who I am. Thank you for being there for me, for not asking why I needed you.

    I know we haven’t really talked lately, and I know why. I’m afraid that if I talk to you more, that if I spend more time with you, I’ll admit to myself that I never stopped wanting you, that I never stopped caring for you.

    We’re teenagers, we shouldn’t feel this way. That was my excuse, my reasoning and argument for leaving you. You hurt me. But how could you know? I never told you about my depression. I never told you that I go through phases of not caring about the world, not caring about anything. You asked me what I wanted, and I said I didn’t know. I wanted to be able to explain what I deal with. I wanted to have the words which would help you understand. But you left, and I cried. I had come to depend on you, and in the time that I needed you most, you left.

    I regret what happened in those two weeks. If we had worked things out, would we still be together now? Would we still sit together, holding hands, laughing, arguing, smiling? I miss what we were, but we can’t go back to that now, I guess. I could say I forgive you for everything, but I doubt you realize what all you did. And I don’t forgive myself, so it wouldn’t make a difference.

    Is it wrong that I want to hold you in my arms? That I want to kiss you one last time? That I regret that the night you spent at mmy house, we didn’t do anything beyond kissing and touching?

    I want my wolf back. You know, I sleep with the wolf you gave me tucked under my pillow sometimes. When I have a really bad day, I write notes to you. You’ll never get them, since I burn them, but it helps me.

    I think I may be moving on, though I’ll never finnd soeone with your personality, or who turns me on the way you do.

    I still love you, KLW.

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