Do you know what the world of 12 year olds has degenerated to?
You think so, right?
“Yeah they’re all sluts that do things way too early.”
But really, do you know quite how bad things have gotten?
There are 12 year olds that… are addicted to smoking.
drink hard alcohol.
go through all the frickin bases.
Two 12 or maybe 13 year olds shared a bottle of vodka and made out because they were drunk, even though they had boyfriends. They were both girls.
Last night I found out that…
Me and at least one or two of my friends have HOCD. Major HOCD.
A lot of my friends have awful, violent or explicit intrusive thoughts that we hate, including me, and some of my friends have some form of OCD.
At least 3 of my friends have admitted they cut or used to cut.
One of my friends is being emotionally and physically abused by her sister.
One of my friends was anorexic and bulimic.
One of my friends has suffered from depression, and possibly me. Though for me, most likely (and still) dysthymia.
One of my friends had a dream she was strangled, and later that day after having a shower she randomly blacked out and woke up with the scar of an x on her leg.
One of my friends was almost stabbed by her best friend with a pencil. Her best friend had been acting weird all day and then the next day she didn’t remember anything.
One of my friends may be slightly anorexic (she sometimes lies to her parents at meals and says she’s not hungry when she’s starving and she sucks in her stomach when she’s around people)
One of my friends is being bullied so badly she spent a day crying and throwing up and she can’t sleep at night
I’ve had rumours spread about me, and things I’ve heard, saying that I’m fat, scary skinny, depressed, a bitch, a slut, a heartbreaker (in a bad way), a goth, mean… and I’ve never kissed a boy or had a boyfriend or even danced with a boy. Also, I don’t understand how I could be a goth. I don’t wear anything similar to “goth clothes” or “colors”, or listen to that music, and there’s literally not goths anywhere in my school.
One of my friends has stood on the edge of a curb many times with cars zooming by telling herself to jump, that she should jump.
One of my friends has stood on the edge of a cliff, looked down and wondered if it would hurt, wondered what it would feel like if she just jumped.
One of my friends is adopted and her parents refuse to tell her anything about her birth mom (she’s the same girl with the abusive sister)
Yesterday I was sitting in a group of girls and I asked, “Who here thinks they’re pretty?” and I expected most of the hands to go up because they were all really pretty. And then no one’s hand went up but mine. I felt so sad for them, and so conceited. It’s not that I think I’m gorgeous, but I think I have a decent face and a decent body, and even though I hate every other aspect of myself, I’m happy with my appearance.
And no, these girls are not emos that complain about their lives. It took ages of getting to know them to find out these things. Before I knew these things, I thought these girls were happy, carefree, peppy people. I was jealous of their innocence… and this isn’t one type of people. These are tons of people I know from my school, from outside of my school. And I don’t know if I attract these kind of people to me, or if my school is messed up or something… but this is not right.
This is ridiculous. We can’t live like this. This can’t be right.
Has society done this to us?
When I was talking to my 20 year old brother’s friends, boys and girls, about how I was already thinking about colleges I like, and how awful the people at my school are, and everything, they looked at me pityingly and said,
“When I was 12 I didn’t care about my appearance nearly that much. I brushed my hair, and made sure I looked and smelled clean, I had crushes but never relationships, and I basically ran in to walls. That was my life as a 12 year old.”
And I hadn’t even told them about any of the bad stuff. Just the surface stuff about how popularity works and that people were jerks.
I. Don’t. Understand. This.
Sometimes I wish I could just run into a forest and live there for a while, forgetting about social drama, and all the teen angst going around and just be one with nature, not matter how cliche that sounds.
You know what I want most?
I want to forget the world and that anything exists and I just want to lie down, stare at the sky and feel very…