PAIN is listening to what you said – hearing your voice in my mind as if you were here and speaking to me. Instead your voice resonates in every word you wrote, echoing off the slick walls of the chasm where I’m trapped. It ricochets around my mind and sparks the memory I so desperately tried to kill.
PAIN is allowing one the luxury to hope for the best when reality rears its bitter head just moments afterwards, extinguishing the once-bright flame one tried so hard to shelter. Your timing was impeccable to the point of irony and has done nothing but prove me wrong once again.
TRUE PAIN does not lie with one’s experiences, but the experiences of those he loves. We all face challenges and difficulties that sometimes leave us broken and gasping for air, unable to keep the piercing pain from crippling our consciousness. But when you see; listen to, no – FEEL the pain of somebody you hold dear, suddenly your pain is miniscule in comparison to theirs – nothing but raindrops in the ocean. And I felt your pain yesterday, more than you will ever understand.
So what is the solution here? Does it lie in utter closure and separation? Or does our pain, which originates from the exclusion of each other in our lives, indicate something else – something that neither of us believes to be possible?
And why is it impossible? Is it the distance? The finances? The compatibility, or lack thereof? The differences, or the similarities? The morality barrier? Tell me, where is that line drawn? While you’re at it, tell me where Love draws its lines and no longer becomes a factor. If you place restrictions on Love, then Love was never present in the first place, and we both know it existed. You said so yourself.
So where does that leave us? Two people who Love each other but are convinced that life lies away from the warmth of the other’s embrace – in letting go of that which they once fought for. Doesn’t that seem strange to you?
But maybe you’re right: maybe moving on is the right thing to do. Maybe we must erase each other from our lives and find contentment elsewhere, ‘cause we both know there is no middle ground. I was the first to see that, and now I see that you see it too. “Middle ground” was never in the equation.
So if this is the end and our future together ended over ten months ago, then I wish you only the best and sincerely hope you find true happiness and Love wherever you go and you remain in my prayers. I am trusting Him heal our wounds and remind us where true joy lies. You are more than worth it, and so I guess what I am trying to say is, I hope this is not good-bye, Shelby, but I’ll understand if it is.