• I’m Back.

    by  • November 6, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Letting Go • 0 Comments

    Dear Freckles,

    I moved away our freshman year when we were dating and we promised that when I came back we could be together and live happily ever after…

    I’m back.

    And BOY are things different now.

    I guess this all started when I left.. You still don’t understand what happened to “us” and well.. I’ll explain it:
    When I left you became abusive, yes; abusive. All I ever heard was how much of a whore I was and how much you would tell me you wished I was dead. When I would visit, you’d beat me to the point where I couldn’t move. You started doing drugs that messed with your mind and I became the enemy when all I ever wanted was to love you and make you better… But no. You just kept on hurting me. You cheated on me and claimed it was my fault, did heroin and claimed it was because of me, you did horrible, unspeakable things to people and acted as if it was a proclamation of your love for me. But it wasn’t Erick it WASN’T!! Everything was always ME ME ME. You never took responsibility for your own actions, just blamed it on me…

    Remember when you told me you cheated on me with a 22 year old and then literally a week later you ran off with her and didn’t speak to me for a month and I had NO clue where you were or what was going on? That was the final straw. You used me for the last time and as soon as I knew where you went, YES I called the cops and told them exactly where you were. I don’t regret that. Or breaking up with you. I needed all this dysfunction to end. And for the next year after that I lived freely, without you mostly because you weren’t even in the same state as me.. But now I’m back and it’s hard to stay away. I see all the places we used to go when things were happy and it makes me miss that. I know you’ll never be that person again, but in my heart I still love him and have hope.

    I saw a guy at the mall we used to go to all the time together and I had a panic attack. My knees started to shake, I couldn’t breathe and my vision went blurry. That made me realize how truly afraid of you I am.. I can’t be around you, I can’t see you. It just can’t happen, but I still want it. At this point, I just don’t know. I love you. I hate to admit it, but you were my bestfriend before we dated and you always will be.

    I wish you could read this and everything will fall into place, but it never will.. So for now, goodbye Puppy.

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