I’m tired. Exhausted. Sick of being the girl they call for a good night. Annoyed I put my self in situations that I continually let my inhibitions take too far. People don’t understand my number. It’s a lot for my age, I know. Most of the time it gives the wrong impression and I hate that. They don’t know why. I am broken. I seem to think the random lust and excitement convinces myself I am getting new again. I am addicted to the affection. The fake intimacy and connection I receive in that brief moment, just for it to leave me feeling empty and even more alone than before. The ultimate connection often rebounds to an equal distance of two strangers in a mutual bed. This isn’t good for me. I want to be ok again. I want to feel loved. I want to love myself again the way I did before I ever loved him. He gave me something I never new existed and ripped it away before I could even realize what I had. I want it back desperately and I’m searching in all the wrong places. This game is cheated and I’ll never win. I need to stop. I’m so tired.