• My reply to your P.O.S. letter.

    by  • November 5, 2011 • To You • 0 Comments

    I figured out it was for me by the next sentence. And if I didn’t know by the end of the letter then I must be brain dead. (btw I never held it againt you. It was my first lesbian relationship that I had been in for myself and not just to make somebody else happy. After six months of having sex, sleeping all night long next to each other numerous times, and telling me you love me and I you – I personally considered us to be dating, or having an affair, a fling, being fwb, shit at least fuckbuddies. It was all very real to me. It hurt when you told me “we” weren’t anything in your eyes.)

    How have I taken anything too far? I don’t see or speak to anyone from where we used to work. You and I don’t even talk anymore. What action have I taken against any of you? None. Not any of you own the company we worked for. You act like my unemployment benefits would be taken out of someone’s paycheck there. When in actuality they were taken out of mine while I worked.

    Yes this and just maybe one or two other things I’m sure are why co-workers shouldn’t date. But this right here is what is important to you so it must be the only reason ever on earth. (contradict yourself much? did we date or didn’t we. Whatever suits you at the time huh? )

    Why fight the unemployment? Really? How about because it’s money I paid into the system. One day you’ll have to take care of yourself financially and you’ll understand. You don’t have a clue what it’s like to earn your keep. I don’t know if my daddy ever bought me a new outfit for a job interview so I’d feel confident in my life, so maybe you’ll never get it. Just don’t choke on the silver spoon in your mouth okay.

    Do I have a guilty conscience? No not as a whole, but I’ve had issues in my life with regret. Now these imperfections you say I’m not able to own up to and that make us so unique – are they what I should feel guilt for? I’m not sure why that is, really most of my life my faults have been mental, so I don’t feel they make me that unique or that I should have shame for them. I don’t need to make excuses and sugar coat it so I feel better about myself. It’s a little sad that you do.

    What line that I crossed are you talking about? I didn’t know you were the Grand Painter of my life or the world’s for that matter. Please, don’t elaborate, just be real vague and expect me to read your mind like you usually do. Oh we’ve gone from imperfections to insecurities. you’re cute when you use big words. Do you know what these ones mean this time? An actual occurring even ? wtf ?!? Are you asking me if I lied about my life, that’s funny. My life is no big party, do you really think I’d make up boring shit to tell you? As if.

    Haha I didn’t drag you into any tornado, nor did I sweep you off your feet. You my dear, jumped both feet first and eyes wide open. How many times did I say to you “I can’t make a first move, I don’t make the first move”. That was all the force of a hurricane closing in on you I suppose, but not so much. You sweated me as much as I did you. I didn’t even know who you were when you were first crushing on me. Honestly you impressed me too once I got to know you. Good Lord back to hell again? Very glad you’re not my God.

    My goodness, I’m super glad you’ve figured out the reason for religion, that’s nice. Do you also get to decide who goes where based on your calculation? Because you sent me there after knowing me for only one year… kinda harsh. Maybe you’re a Catholic God?

    Groovy how cosmic, that’s such a lovely thought, keep it close to your heart. So do all of you meet for pizza and a movie once a week or are YOU the mind reader now and you just know that is exactly what everybody on the planet is thinking?

    Are you calling me evil (great now I’m damned to eternal hell fire for a third time by you), and a liar again?!? STOP it. Think for a second – have you ever heard me lie or caught me lying to you or anyone else? I’ve been told my honesty is almost painful so stop reflecting your own traits onto me.

    Wait I take that back because if not answering the question at all and refusing to talk about it until we were both in tears is lying, then yes I lied. Well, at the least I will admit I was deceitful and not forthcoming with information (that which you told me) would result in forever clouding your view of me. Do you blame me?!?

    Oh here we go, now I see what you’re getting at. I’ve created problems for others, as well as for myself. Why did I think for a minute you actually cared about my morality or well being or some sappy shit like that. Wonderful I’m left to rot for restrictions I force upon myself all of which that you just made the fuck up. Are your bestest friends across the street are having problems because of my actions. I’ve seen 40 employees come and go but MY discharge has shaken their foundation. They need a hobby. Big time.

    Hold up – what were those actions I was terminated from employment for again? Oh yeah, letting you come and go all damn night long while you were high as a kite on “X”, kissing you good- bye behind the desk/counter (it’s not a sales counter we don’t sell food from across it.) plus coming back from break 15 minutes late.

    You were also fired even though you were not on duty. I was never given a chance to speek or explain myself or my behavior. Actually I was unaware the company mandated our personal off-duty actions too. Or even that they terminated without some written warning. I do know that they are a fire at will company. That’s the reason why I was let go. Misconduct is what they write so they get to keep my benefits. Everybody involved knows had I not been caught kissing you I’d still be there today. Alas, I wasn’t aware of everyone’s personal views on bi-sexuallity. My bad.

    Uhm how does one thing smaller than another overshadow it? Unless it’s raised high above it. I didn’t put myself on a pedastle you put me there. Really as though you were my prey?!? That’s adorable. Is it because you think I’m a cougar? Grrrrrrr Meow!!! Perhaps I used cat-like mind power to make you grab my boob that very first time. Clever how I got you to call me all the time bitching about your neglectful lover – yes it was just a part of my trap I’m guessing right?

    Honey if you think I’m trying to give the impression that I’ve got life all figured out, then you came to me a fool already. I’ve made a lot of claims in my life, but having it all figured out is not one. You just found somebody who cared enough about you to open up and reveal their true self. I do kinda rock so I can see how you might think I’m a sage or guruish wise-woman or have so mystical abilities. You’re not the first to wonder about that lol.

    I’m sorry you lost your first job, you were great at it. You loved it and it loved you. You have so much to offer any place you decide to go. Really I wish you the best.
    Realize though that it fucking takes two to tango, especially when one should have never fucking been there in the first place. Couldn’t take your flamboyantly gay- guy friend home, awe shucks might as well come use me until ya can’t any more. The thought has never crossed your mind that had you stayed away that night it NEVER would have turned out this way? No because that would hurt inside just a bit wouldn’t it. Every thing I was discharged for was because of our interactions. Together the two of us. I was supposed to be there. You were not.

    STFU!!! You slept with customers too, I was there four years and you weren’t there for over a year, you fucked around as much as me. Don’t be mad our boss never grabbed your ass like he did mine, given time I’m sure he would have eventually. I’m not even going into the “I really could have been a slut, ‘cuz I had hella offers to hook-up during the time I was there” info-mercial. seriously I don’t blame you completely, but I do expect you to take some of the credit if you’re a real woman.

    Girl all you got is time, and nobody else is paying you for it either. Unless you’re paying for everybody’s, drugs, gas, food, and drinks you really don’t have a crowd beating down your door as a matter of fact. But hey me either. Time is a man made concept anyway. You waste more than most people I know do so chill.

    A curse so now I’m magic? Whatever.

    You don’t care about shit let alone the store or you would have had enough respect not to show up rolling like a snowball downhill on “X” at our work with a friend who people can’t help but look at and question their own sexuality. Ever wonder if that’s what pissed off the Heavy? Some people never come out of the closet. lol maybe Dixie is his fag-hag ( j/k ing!!!).

    Planted a curse on the loyal crew… who the assistant manager who lied about an injury to get workman comp., the other one who sniffs pills in the bathroom. Maybe you meant the one who is just waiting for the word so he can move on to something better. I know you realize that besides the boss and his best brown-noser that I’d been there the longest. I guess we view loyalty differently. Maybe you’ve just yet to learn what it is. But then I don’t have a problem giving people the benefit of the doubt.

    Who even cares what our job was, I was happy. As happy as anyone else if not more so. I had no plans on going anywhere. Even thought I might have to go into management like the big boss had suggested just to get shit done right around the place. I made as much an hour as lower management and had already started racking up benefits to boot. Ones that no other cashier had earned yet.

    Don’t judge me and label me like you have the knowledge or authority. You’re a teenager. It’s a scientific fact your brain is not even fully developed. That is why I forgive your warped understanding of the world around you.

    I took advantage to their trust, lol you don’t even know the bonds I had with my co-workers. Right now they’re mad because I walked away and didn’t look back. That hurts and I’m sorry about it, but I was devastated and still can’t bring myself to just act like everything is all good. Had I been able to deal with the situation and still came around as much as you now do – you’d be out in the cold, everybody treating you like they did those first few weeks after we were let go. Remember how that felt? Not very nice was it.

    Get you on my team!?! Uhm who’s the dike that got the married lady to have her first same-sex relationship and not just a one night hook-up? I think I was wearing your team uniform not you wearing mine. But I bet you reflected that on to me being that you get asked what team you’re batting for all the time.

    You’re right I got away with so much shit, but you do understand that people can only get away with what they are allowed to right. Had you been around for the previous three years maybe you’d understand better why I was allowed to take so many liberties. Or did you forget that the Inventory Counters, the sales reps, delivery drivers and even our store Inspector noticed when I wasn’t there. That pretty little plaque about how great we are… I bet you a dollar it’s the only one they’ll ever get. Now would you like to pretend how many customer didn’t ask about me or send me best wishes… yeah thought not.

    I’m sorry they are having to pull their own weight now that I’m gone, it took me four years to be able to do that job with confidence. Now they put another person on shift for those nights when I got the work of two people done. But I’m so awful right? Is that why I was asked to babysit employees under suspition of theft and to regulate employee charges that left the building? That’s what they always have bad employees do right? I was the only non-management in the meeting when I was given that responsibility.

    Yes, it makes no sense to anyone but you. We learn everyday I hope you always do. All the b.s. you say you learned from me – oh please blah blah blah whatever makes you feel better about helping me fuck up my life then go for it. Just stay out of said life. Please and thank you.

    crazy psycho bitch – you just wish you were half as interesting and entertaining as I am. Too bad you’re not and never will be. Sorry if that stings but it makes you unique. Feel any better…

    Fuck me? No we already did fuck, and that’s never happening again.

    I just want to end by saying – you totally took me for a ride and didn’t even slow down before you pushed my out of the car. But wow what a ride it was :)~

    peace – love – and BYE-BYE .

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