I’m sorry that your brother was killed five years ago. I could never imagine the feeling of losing a sibling, although, you know that I once lost a close friend. I wish that I could be there for you the way I want to, and I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I remember just glancing at the newspaper that day, about a week before Christmas and recognizing the name, thinking that it was you in the picture, but then realizing. I hardly even knew him. I remember when we used to see you and him at the pool and I remember him in my mother’s car. Those were the only interactions. But then man, there was a time AFTER, how I heard him walk through your room, how I felt him there, how I actually saw him lying on your bed for just a few moments,and I was calm. I knew it was him. You told me that he plays with the lights, that made me smile…
And then I remember that day, watching television with you. The main character’s brother had died. They were at his funeral and I felt so so sad because he finally had to let him go. I was the one who was crying…I didn’t know why we were watching it. I thought that it should have been you to be so emotional, but you didn’t even blink an eye. YOU appologized to ME and had to turn the t.v. off. I felt embarrassed…and I felt ashamed to be experiencing that much grief when it wasn’t even my situation…
And I’m sorry that all I can say is I’m sorry, that these things shouldn’t happen to young people. I am sorry that your life is the way it is. I am sorry that you have to live it everyday. Man, I am sorry that you are, and yes, you are confused, hurt, angry, traumatized. No matter what you tell yourself. It would be surprising if you weren’t these things. And no matter what has happened between us in the past please, I hope to God that you get the help and support that you need and that things will be alright for you.
I have the strongest urge right now to tell you that I love you,
(like I used to).
I wish I could talk with you,