I don’t know why you freaked out, or if you did. This whole situation is confusing to me and I don’t know if I should give up and move on or sit and wait for what I really want. And what I really want is you.
I want to go back to when we first met. When I was that confident, sassy girl who made you laugh and smile – the girl who had you falling for her only after a week. I want to go back when you were that sweet guy who made me feel special, who made me feel like i was worth so much more. Things were going so great in the beginning, even though you lived 8 hours away you were so great and nice and every night you’d call and we would have the best conversations. And then i had to be the one who messed everything up. I was under so much stress from school and home that it wasn’t fair to you. I wasn’t acting myself, the girl you first met, i was insecure and awkward and would always flip over something so stupid and little. Your friends didn’t make things any easier either, but like you’ve said, the person you first met would’ve known how to deal with them.
You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me yet i feel like nothing has been going right, things just keep getting in the way.
And then you freaked out. I think. You said you didn’t want to be in a committed relationship…or you didn’t think you did? You said you needed some time to figure out what you want. That you still like me a lot and care about me. But that we’re both single so when it comes to other people you’re response was ‘i mean i’m not planning on anything but we are single’.
What am i supposed to do here? I’ve treated you so well and have told you that i wanna be with you, but should I give up? When I tell you I still want to be with you, you say that makes you happy… then why aren’t we together? What do you need to figure out? I’m right here so just pick me. Because other women might be prettier or smarter or sexier with bigger boobs but no one, and i mean NO ONE is going to love you and care about you as much as i do right now and will for a long time if you let me. Stop being so scared and stop listening to your roommates who think sleeping with a girl more than once is too much commitment. Just remember how happy we were, cuddling on your couch all day watching movies and kissing, how happy you were that morning that we spent just laying together safe and warm. When you messed up and I forgave you, you said you would make everything better again. I’m still waiting for that to happen… I love you and I know that i’ll probably never get to tell you that or have you reciprocate those feelings but i still love you so much and just every part of me feels like we’re meant to be together.
I love you.