I used to wonder what kind of person I would grow up to be, now I’m legally an adult and i’ve never had everything feel so foreign, I don’t even know where I am these days. My head’s farther away from my heart than it’s ever been and things i cared about are slipping away and I can’t do anything but stare blankly and a situation and think, is this happening, but instead of me freaking out i’m calm and then the feeling passes. I don’t know if this is good or bad. My best friend, lover, and everything i thought i always wanted are disappearing in front of me and i can’t even do as much to reach out my hand. i love you. I’m sorry this is happening to us and that it’s probably my fault. your career takes you farther and farther away each year and i thought i could do this me over here and you everywhere but the truth is i think I’m too young for this relationship this feels like marriage i can’t do this i want to experience new things and figure out who i am before i become something to you its only fair to you and me, what’s not fair is that i’m writing this on some website that i think is pretty funny in the first place instead of telling it to you. and maybe that’s the kind of person i am, but i don’t want it to be and when i say it, it does not sit right but i don’t know what to think. i don’t know who and i am and i know people say it’s alright you’re young but nothing is alright with this feeling or worse for the lack of feeling.
if i never send this to you or tell you it call me a coward i deserve it maybe it’ll be a boost to get me to change