It’s now been a few weeks without you. I can honestly say I am missing a piece of myself. This past October would have been 20 months together. We had everything going for us. No high school relationships are supposed to last, but I thought ours would have.
I fought for you with all I had. Is that a good thing though? Sometimes I wonder. I took you back after you cheated on me, something i said I would NEVER do. But I loved you, and you loved me back. It was just a stupid kiss with the class slut who had been trying to break us up for months. So why did it matter? The past was the past. I knew I had to forgive because I couldn’t live without you.
What would have happened if I didn’t take you back that night? You walked two hours to get to my house at 2am. If I had turned you away, things would have been different. I would have broken your heart instead of the other way around. That was how it was supposed to be. That’s what you deserved.
I think back to the times we had when we were together. These memories are engraved in my mind. And that is what kills me. No matter how much hurt you caused me, you were the first person to love me. I do not have a supportive family. You were my support. And I grew dependent on you. Too dependent.
I realize now that some things just don’t work. But everyday I think back to what we had, and how great our love was. I can still see you in my mind, looking at me with those bright blue eyes saying “I love you babe.” I think of the night we spent together under the stars and the summer days we would lay out on the beach together.
I hope that someday I will find someone to love me as much as you did. I can’t imagine anyone ever loving me more. My biggest fear is watching you move on as I stand here still loving you.
Now a days I see you in school and at parties on the weekends. You said you wanted to be friends at first but it doesn’t work that way. Friends can become lovers but lovers can’t become friends. I cannot be around you without wanting to be your girlfriend. So that’s that.
I hope you find someone who makes you happier than I did. Maybe you won’t cheat on them this time. Or leave them for no reason. I do not hate you, in fact I wish I did because then maybe things would be easier. Hating takes too much effort. I do love you though. And to try to hide it is the hardest thing I have had to do. I wish you the best of luck my boo.