• Dear Boy who stole my heart,

    by  • November 2, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Regret • 0 Comments

    You’re a wonderful person, stole my heart without me even noticing until it was too late. I think I knew we had something going on, and I was too dumb to notice.

    The moment I saw those messages, and knew they were not meant for me, my heart shattered again, just as it has a thousand times before, with the rest of the boys I’ve liked. I lost something I didn’t really notice I had until the very end. The boy who made me smile when he even just acknowledged my presence, the boy that made me feel pretty, a feeling I had never felt before. I was myself with you, I did not have to pretend to be someone I was not, or not completely, I did not hide anything to you. Not one thing. Just the fact that you drove me crazy. I was just to freaking stubborn and let the voices convince me I do not deserve that happiness you made me feel.

    The times I went out with you were the best times ever. Seriously.

    I now envy the girl that stole your heart in just a week. I was a week to slow. I had to lose you to know what I felt for you, and now will miss forever. It is stupid, it was too easy, and I regret my decisions now.

    You’re the most wonderful guy I’ve ever met, and probably will meet, you were there for me, and made me laugh and smile even though I didn’t want to, made me happy and I could speak about anything and everything with you, and not worry about being judged.

    I wanted for us to watch movies together, for you and I to listen to music together, and just walk around aimlessly talking about things that do not really matter. Now, I don’t think I will meet a guy who shares such similar tastes and be so differently intriguing for quite a while, and even then, I don’t think he will even come close to you.

    “If you’re in love with two people, pick the second one. If you really loved the first, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.”

    You worked so hard for me to give you a chance, when all along I was already yours, I don’t let anyone grab my hand, not even to just play with it, I’m not comfortable letting people close, I’m not okay with physical contact, not at all. And less keep things that are mine. Yet, I let you keep my ring, even letting you keep it over night and be okay with it, knowing you’d keep it safe. I let you take me out, when others have tried and I did not let them even consider it an option.

    I should have listened to my brain, now my heart finally understands what my brain was telling me all along. I care about you. A lot. And now that you’re not there, it’s hurt me, broken my heart. I guess this is what you felt when I told you I liked another guy. Karma’s a bitch, I guess.

    Maybe, someday, you’ll give ‘us’ a chance. I hope you will.

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