I fucking hate you. I care for you. I want to punch you. I want you to hold me. But most of all, I’m terrified of you. Just seeing you sends me into this headspace where the only thing I want to do is kill myself. I wonder if you know that I’ve thrown up after seeing you. It happened two or three times. Once I collapsed after I saw you with your new girlfriend (you wouldn’t have met her if it wasn’t for me by the way).
So why were you such an asshole? You had to take our simple, romantic friendship, and use it against me. Crush me. I can’t believe you even. To be totally honest, I’m still expecting you to run up to me and grab me and hold me and apolagize. Say you meant nothing, say you care for me, say you need me. But you won’t. Even if you want to (not that you do), you’ll think I’m too mad.
Well I wanted you to know that after high school, I’m going to get a hold of you and ask you why. Why you had to say something so mean to me, when you know how easily my feelings get thrown around, especially when they’re already bad. Even YOUR FRIEND noticed I stopped eating for awhile. I’m hoping that at 21 or 22 I’ll be strong enough to confront you about it.
Until then, I want you to know that I’m gonna try to start getting better.
“The girl who was like screwing a cow”